Despertar

the ice falls out of your glass

1. How do you like your eggs?
Hard-scrambled or hard-fried, with no evidence of their ever having been runny disgusting gooey yellow things full of amniotic fluid.

2. Is there such a thing as free will?
Love shits on free will. So does duty. I hardly even feel free to walk down the street by my own campus, because I know how many things can go wrong.

3. How often do you feel sorry for yourself?
Never, because I know I shouldn't because of the burn victims and the starving Somalians and the Hilton sisters and the nuns with their goiters and blah blah blah. But also always, because I was given an excess of privileges wrapped up in the significant expectation that I would deliver certain things in return, and sometimes I don't think I can. That makes me scared and sorry.

4. Favorite character when you were a child (i.e. Barney, Big Bird)?
Tie: Jesse Katsopoulis, Maxim de Winter.

5. Your thoughts on people who take pictures of themselves on myspace?
I have nothing but thorough disdain for attention whoring a la myspace.

6. Is the world getting smaller?
The Washington Post Magazine did a feature, last week, on things that are quickly becoming obsolete, one of which was the pleasure of "getting lost." Between satellite and cell phone technology, global positioning systems and ease of cell phone communication, there's really no way to not know where you are. I can see where that makes some people sad, but I hate being lost, so.

7. Least favorite topic you'd like to discuss with your parents?
Academics. I am so, so, so, so tired of the same recurring conversation about how I don't apply myself. I would rather talk to them about anything else, anything, else, for the rest of my life, than have one more conversation about school, or grades, or self-application, or anything else related.

8. One thing mankind can always rely on?
Change.

9. Who was the last person you forgave and why?
I had forgiven Marcus, but now, after being subjected to that whole shitstorm from his girlfriend (did I write about this? I must have; I remember Jenn calling him a fucker and telling me to lose him already) I think I unforgive him. It doesn't even reeeally bother me that he decided to include me, blindly, in a lie to his girlfriend, or that he had the stupidity not to cover his tracks, if secrecy was what he wanted, or that she's apparently the confrontational type who would go though someone's recent contacts list and engage in them in forty-eight-minute conversations about the trust and feelings she shares with the guy she stole from them in the first place. What bothers me is that apparently this chick is SO great, SO great, that she can get away with a violation of trust THAT significant, can GO THROUGH HIS PHONE TO CALL HIM IN A LIE, and he STILL loves/wants to marry/cherishes/elevates her to godly status, when she ISN'T EVEN CUTE (OOH I wish I could show you how not-cute she is). I would have never dreamed of doing ANYTHING like that, and I STILL got painted as the jealous, immature infant of the century. So I don't forgive him anymore.

10. Something you've always wanted to learn?
I wish I hadn't given up the violin. I'd like to take it back up, but I remember the bow-hand finger contortions were a huge deterrent, so.

11. Most over-used annoying catchphrase you'd love to kill?
"Fuckin' A."

12. What can you binge on?
Nothing edible. My stomach is the size of a thimble. I can binge on TV, though. Inactivity. Sleep. Et cetera.

13. Are you a neat freak?
Hardly.

14. Aside from physical attributes, what separates women from men?
The whole commitment thing springs readily to mind. Women, for what I imagine are evolutionary reasons, like the stability of knowing the person they're trusting, loving, sleeping with, will still be around tomorrow. Men seem to like the freedom of knowing that same person will scram when it's convenient. I really think this is natural, I really want to believe that.

15. Honestly, can you dance?
Definitely better than any of my wonkish classmates.

16. Would you be embarrassed to sing on a microphone in front of your friends?
I've definitely turned down at least a handful of karaoke opportunities this year. I would have to be really, really, really drunk, but not so drunk I couldn't find the stage, and maybe such a precise level of drunkenness doesn't exist.

17. What crime/felony would you most likely commit if you were caught?
You mean not caught?

18. How much determination do you have?
Hard to say. I am very determined about some stuff, easily swayed about other stuff. I am determined to finish this survey before this class breaks, determined to beat Sam at Scrabulous, determined to eat my leftover fried ravioli the second I get home this afternoon. I am not nearly as determined to finish my Property outline before I leave town for the weekend.

19. Are you idea-oriented or people-oriented?
I don't really know what that means. Some ideas suck, as do some people.

20. What's one rude thing someone has done to you in the past?
I hardly notice anymore.

21. Do you feel healthy?
I feel a little sick.

22. A gross habit of yours?
I guess some people think it's gross that I go barefoot most places. I never leave the building without shoes, but I'll definitely walk from my room to the elevator, or someone else's room, or the cafe, without bothering. I did that in college, too, but it was definitely grosser there because no one ever vacuumed or cleaned the floors. I just kind of trust my feet not to pick up malaria or anything.

23. What do you smell like?
Soap and deodorant, both Dove. Marcus put me out of the habit of spraying myself with more purposeful scents.

24. What's one thing that could kill your mood right now?
My mood is dead anyway, but it could still take a dive, I suppose, if my Property professor called on me right now.

25. A completely random, miscellaneous fact about you?
I probably spend one hundred dollars a month on my hair, and it still looks worse than most white girls'.

26. Who was the last person you thought about?
I stared at the ceiling for twenty minutes in bed this morning and thought about Justin.

27. Do you know how to cuss in a foreign language?
Yes, several.

28. What kind of movies do you find uninteresting and why?
Action movies that skip out on the plot and character development are boring to me. I know they're stimulating if you like noise and explosions and speed and suspense, but it seems like you could mix in some grown-up emotion and not totally repel your target audience.

29. what would you name your daughter?
I don't know anymore. I hope I never have one. I'm hoping for boys these days.

30. What did you forget?
My Property textbook, so I had to run back home, in the rain, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise because then I also got to leave Valerie a bitchy note about the dishes.

*

More specifically--I think I'm going to have to make some additions to the rules, and tighten up my "no tolerance" policy so that violations get you pitched out, no questions asked. I know it's totally supposed to be a fun thing, but you can do a journal quilting bee with your friends and not expect me to judge you and offer my gift points, you know? I'm just tired of the rule-flouting and the fact that people act surprised when you abide by your own rules.

I don't like to change the rules between rounds, because I know people sometimes take it personally, when really they shouldn't. It's not personal, it's just, you need some structure, or things become a clusterfuck. If I leave people's names on the calendar after they've disqualified or removed themselves, I get a dozen emails from other contestants wanting to know whether they're still responsible for a corresponding Following entry. The answer is, of course, no, check the rules, you aren't, but you can't begrudge any one non-reader any more than any other, can you?

Anyway, it's my fault, I fucked up and didn't do a Leading entry either, but I'm not up to win, it doesn't matter.