Sunflower Powers Thru

Spring Fixing

Along the same idea of spring cleaning, I'm going through a phase of almost spring maintenance. Spent $250 getting the trees trimmed, which was necessary after the last bad blow through. Discovered a puddle under my relatively new washing machine, so called the Maytag man. He showed up, and said I needed a plumber. The oven won't hold it's temperature, so the appliance repairman came and removed the element, promising that a new ordered one would fix the problem.

In addition, Mom's not been feeling well, and we spent an afternoon with Vivian driving us, at her most recent stomach problems docotr at baylor. She has so many doctors, and so many problems. But that happens at 85.

I've had my run with docotrs too. I blew up at my psychiatrist one way when I was particularly overwrought, and I've been two weeks getting back to him to get my bipolar meds adjusted. Tried to fill my rx for Ritalin today, and the insurance company turned it down. It would cost $400 without insurance, and my insurance is so damn expensive. It's especially outrageous because I'm bipolar. This is the thrid or fourth time the insurance company has shut down my doctor's plans to medicate me. This has been going on for the last six months. First they would pay for Focalin, then they would, untill the doctor added Stratera, then they wouldn't. So then he switched me to Vyvanse, which I've taken two month, maybe three. He was gonna switch me to Ritalin because he thought it would work as well and be less expensive.

I'm not focusing on my most recent diagnosis, because the doc said not to get hung up over that sort of thing--but I'm bipolar, I have ADD-ADHD, and an as yet unidentified personality disorder. He plans to cognitive therapy that problem away--but I don't have a phone number to call yet. He's had office help the last six months too.

I found a huge-sized Valentine's card on my front porch tonight. It brought a smile to my face. I'm better off without him than with him--so haven't decided to respond yet. I know my life and attitude is better off without him.

Have an appointment with the pain management doctor tomorrow afternoon. I haven't seen him in about 11 months. That's when he lasar-burned the nerves in my back that were causing me pain. It's possible they've grown receptive already. Maybe I can get a steroid shot, or a pain med that's not as stron as what I've got. I can't function on that one. It was one Heath Ledger had in his sytem when he died.

I'm concerned my Mom's health is failing more than either of us are willing to admit. She probably has colon cancer. She doesn't want a bunch of medical tests. She's 85. I understand her perspecitve. She's still independent, and she wants to stay that way. I pray that she can.