The Wanderer

Chapter Five

Chapter Five

         The next few days were very, very, boring because the doctors said I couldn’t go home until they found out what was wrong with me. So the doctors had to do lots of test on me. This wasn’t very fun especially because some of them were painful. I also had to go to speech therapy; although it wasn’t helping. And I also have to go to normal therapy but I don’t that much at all. I got to play games with a man the whole time; the man does like to talk, it’s mostly about Kori, though he doesn’t expect me to talk back though, and I mostly ignore him and focus on playing the game. I also got to know lot of nice nurse.
         I looked at the watch that Josh had let me borrow the last time he had visited; it was almost time for therapy. While I waited for my escorting nurse I wondered what the point of playing games in therapy was. I mean what I thought therapy was, was when someone tries to help you with your problem by talking them out. This was what my daddy wanted me to go to, but really we were just having game time, wouldn’t it be harder to ignore him if we weren’t playing a game? Not that I didn’t want to play a game, but still how was that helping me get better?
         “Kristi,” a nurse called.
         I looked over to see that it was Teri coming to get me for therapy. I got out of my bed, from around the bars keeping me from accidentally falling out, and Teri walked with me out the door.
         Teri wasn’t that talkative, she was more grandmothery; I didn’t mind this. Her eyes were unlike most older peoples eye, because instead of being faded with age and experence they were brown and full of deph. Her hair was light grey and put up in a small bun. She had rosy dimples, a wrinkled full smile, and she tottered a bit when she walked. All the while her pointy shoes clicking with every step she took. As we walked down the halls together she put her arm around my shoulder; I didn’t do anything to stop her.
         The halls of the hospital were weird. This was my fourth time down the halls to the therapist and I still couldn’t remember the way. It was mostly long halls with room all down one side, but since the hospital was not a square building there was many twists and turns. The rooms, I knew, had other patients; some need less help then me, others more so.
         It took us about 10 minutes to get to the office. Teri twice knocked on the door using a fist a martial arts teacher would be proud of. It was quite for a second and then.
         “Enter!” said a low gruff voice that was the therapist’s assistant/secretary.
         We opened the door and walked inside.
         “You can have a seat in the chair by the door, he’s running a bit late today.” said the assistant/secretary
         “You sit there Kristi; I have to go do some rounds, but I’ll be here later to pick you up.” Teri said as she left.
         I sat following directions. The assistant/secretary looked at me and went back to her frantic typing. I just sat there, but I could here faint noises coming from the door next to me, I tried to ignore them knowing that the white noise machine was supposed to cover up all sounds, but it was hard.
         While I sat there I thought about my family. They had not come to visit me yet today and I didn’t know how they were. I wondered if Josh had had his friends over which he had wanted yesterday but the parents were still deciding. I wondered if Joe had learned any new words, because he hadn’t the other day he had come to visit. I wondered if Mommy had finished putting in her computer order. And I wondered if Daddy had finished his puzzle that he was working on yet. I knew that they wouldn’t be visiting until after this therapy session, and probably a few more blood tests and MRIs, but I could still hope that they would come earlier, or that the tests would seem to go by faster.
         A poem came into my head one that was my daddy’s favorite; he has said is so many times I can still here him saying it. It goes like this:
“Hope is like water,
it sustains life for all.
Without hope,
like water,
all things will perish.
In some places,
there’s an immeasurable amount,
while others,
are dry and bare.
Sometimes it is cloudy or murky,
while others it is crystal clear.
Sometimes water will fail us,
with invisible infectious disease.
Hope can fail us too,
but only if we give up.
Thing hoped for are not always the way things are,
but at least we hoped”
         “Kristi!”
         I was wrenched out of the after thoughts of the poem by a voice that I have known to be from my therapist. I get jerked out of my thoughts so many times I don’t know why I still get startled, you would have thought that by now I would have gotten used to it, but I haven’t.
         I looked up seeing David standing by the door. I got up and walked over to him noticing that something was different about his appearance. But I couldn’t quite tell what it was. Passing him, I entered his office and sat down on the floor.
         “So what would you like to play today?” Said David walking into his office his self and closing the door behind him “How about chess, have you ever played chess before?” He asked looking at me for any body language of my thoughts knowing that I wouldn’t say a word.
         I nodded to show that I had played chess before. Josh had taught me after he joined the chess club when he was 12, although I was only three at the time I was, and am, a vivid learner.
         “So shall we play?”
         I shrugged; I didn’t really care what we played.
         “Well, if you don’t care, and we haven’t played yet then why don’t we just play, okay?” He asked, and then said “Okay.” Not waiting for an answer.
         I watched as David set up the chess board. His expert hands had the board set up in record time. I guessed that he was really good too; after all he must play a lot of games his job being what it is. David’s hands paused when he had finished setting up the game. I could tell he was thinking about who should be what color; so he did the established thing to do and took two pawns, mixed them up and stuck out his fists for me to choose. I pointed to the left hand and with it came the black piece. He turned around the board so the black was pointed towards me. Then he started the game by moving one of his white pawns up two spaces.
         The game when just as any other game we’ve played went. He started out very easy and then built up to just below my level, using some moves above my level so that I could learn, but most just below so that I would win; I knew he did this but didn’t say any thing, not that I could say any thing. All the while we were playing he talked. But then that was his job, and I knew I should have listened, but I didn’t, instead I just watched his skilled hands move the chess pieces around the board. His hands, while quite big compared to my hands were very careful, and didn’t knock a single piece astray.
         The hour went by pretty fast in this manner. When our time was up by the clock above the door David didn’t say anything. Well other then what he was talking about before, either he pretended he didn’t notice, or really didn’t notice. I wondered if this was his way of trying to get me to say something, but of course I didn’t. I decided to tone in a second to see what he was saying however.
         “I know you aren’t listing, I know you don’t listen, but it would be so much nicer if you did. I can’t help you if you don’t want to be helped. Maybe Amy can help; I hope so, before it gets too late for you as it did for her.”
         Who was Amy? And had he even realized that the time was up, and how did he know that I hadn’t been listing. Oh well, I had to go to speech therapy soon, and Teri was going to be there to pick me up some time soon so soon I’ll be free from the room.
         I turned my focus back onto the game. We were nowhere near the end; we would have to put the game up for tomorrow after Teri came to get me. Just as I was thinking this I heard a knock at the door. I assumed it was Teri, but you should never trust assumptions, so I turned my head toward the door to look and see who was knocking. The knocking came again louder this time.
         “Come in,” David called, obviously assuming the same thing I was.
         But it was not Teri who opened the door; it was an older girl of about 17. Her once-sparking blue eyes told long stories of sorrow. Her hair dyed dark brown had not been dyed in a while; you could see blond roots, which she was obviously embarrassed of, coming in very clearly. She was wearing long boot-cut jeans. Her sneakers looked a little strange because they had no shoelaces. And she was also wearing a dark blue long-sleeved jacket; it was mid-summer. She looked very embarrassed and uncomfortable about being where she was, like she though she belonged somewhere far, far away, which of course she probably did, as I did.
         “Oh,” She said softly.
         “This is Amy,” David said gesturing toward the girl “She is another one of my patients.”
         “Hi,” Amy said quietly as ever.
         I wanted to say hi back, like with Josh, I really did, and I tried, but it didn’t work; why could I not express myself through language like everyone else? I nodded at Amy, for I could show no other way of greeting.
         “I’ll be back,” Called a nurse in the background, as she turned away and left the office.
         “Amy, this is Christine, Kristi,” David said gesturing this time toward me “Today we are going to have a group session, do you know what this means?”
         Amy and I nodded.
         “Good, shall we start?”
         Amy and I shrugged.
         I guessed that she thought it was strange as I did that we were being put together. Amy was so much older then me, and I younger then her. She clearly didn’t have the same problem as I; she could talk. I wondered if David was trying to help an underlining problem. Maybe he knew something that we didn’t, maybe he knew that the reason I couldn’t talk was the reason she was so uncomfortable and secretive, or something that had caused this state. I also wondered what good a group therapy session was when there were only two people participating, a 17-year-old, and a voiceless five-year-old. But David knew what he was doing better then I, so I just decided to let it go.
         “So, ummm, hi,” Amy said
         I gave her a weak smile showing I was listening.
         “This is interesting, isn’t it?”
         I nodded.
         “So, yeah, ummm, okay, sure…”
         “Why don’t you girls talk about something you like?” David added in.
         I wondered how I could talk about something that I liked when I couldn’t talk, the whole thing was very weird.
         “So, ummm, what do you like?” Amy asked me after waiting a minute to see if I was going to ask her.
         I shrugged.
         “Do you ever say anything?”
         I shook my head.
         “Oh, sorry,”
         I looked down, embarrassed that she had had to apologize to me for me not talking; it actually confused me a little.
         “Kristi has an unknown problem with her speech, it, along with a few other things is why she is here.” David added in.
         “Oh, so, yeah, do you like, ummm, do you having any siblings?”
         I nodded.
         The whole session went on like that, Amy asking me yes or no questions, me shaking or nodding my head, David randomly butting-in to say something. It wasn’t terrible; I liked it better then I did when I was just with David anyways, Amy seemed really nice. Over the time we were together she loosened up a little, so little I didn’t even think David had noticed, but I could tell. I knew we’d see each other tomorrow as someone knocked softly at the door. It was Teri this time, coming to take me away, probably to speech therapy or something. I got up and walked over to her. Right before I closed the door I nodded bye to David and weakly smiled good-bye to Amy.
         “Did you have fun?” Teri asked.
         I didn’t know how to answer this question, fun? Could it really be fun which was I was experiencing? What was fun anyways, the real definition of fun, I’d have to remember to look it up. I mean I guess I’ve had fun before, but I couldn’t quite remember, those last two weeks had completely brain washed me.
         Teri put her almost understanding arm around my shoulder gently guiding me down to hall to some unknown destination.
         Then I got a brain wave. What if that’s what David was trying to do. I didn’t have a friend anymore maybe he was trying to get Amy and I to become friends, she was only about a year older then Kori; she had told me that she had just turned 17. Amy obviously, didn’t see this yet because she not yet knew that I am the way that I am. But I knew the way I am, or was, I didn’t really know myself anymore. Maybe it would work too; maybe David has discovered a way to help me talk, by giving me a friend. Or maybe it would be more then that, maybe she understood. A friend that understands is much better then one who doesn’t. Maybe the same situation didn’t happen to her, but she knows, knows what it’s like. After all there was a look of unknown understanding in her eyes. Well she knew, but then no one else did, she had been through stuff that most people wouldn’t, couldn’t understand. She was alone and David though he could help her, but he tried for a while, and failed, so he thought maybe I could help make her happy. Of course I didn’t know any of this for sure but usually I’m right about these things, in fact I’ve never been wrong, but there’s a first time for everything.
         I noticed that we were going through a door; the door to the speech therapist. I sighed, a whole other how trying to make sounds that wouldn’t come. Besides for the times I’ve tried to say something to Josh, and when I had tried to say something to Amy, I had given up trying to talk after that first day of misery. I followed all the instructions Irene gave me although not really putting my heart into it, maybe today I’d try, for Josh, for Amy, but then again maybe I won’t. I didn’t even really was to talk at this point, I knew that after I could every one would want me to tell them about why I couldn’t talk and numerous other questions that I didn’t know how to answer, I thought it would be better just to stay silent.
         When I was finally in the room with Irene I suddenly realized what was so different with David appearance, I didn’t know why it came to me then, but theses things sometimes happen. David usually had on a t-shirt with tan pants; his hair was brown and very short, and his skin was very darkly tanned. This time he had been wearing a long-sleeved shirt. I didn’t know why I even noticed the difference. But it was strange, three days in a row he had worn t-shirts, then the fourth day long sleeves; the temperature hadn’t changed. Most people probably wouldn’t have noticed, but I did. There was only one thing different about the meeting I had today, and the meetings I had had the days before, Amy. I wondered if David had done it for her comfort, I may never know.
         The session I did with Irene seemed just like all the other ones I’ve had, except for one thing. This time I could feel something in my throat when I feebly attempted the sounds. I didn’t like it, it felt like the part that left with Kori was coming back, very slowly, but it was coming. What if I learned that I could talk again, then it would be like Kori never died, just a memory. I had to repress a shutter at the thought; memories are well, you can never be sure that it really did happen. What if Kori’s whole existence was just a dream, I didn’t think that now because I couldn’t talk, I had proof that she had been once living, but after I could talk it would all just be a memory.