The Chill Kid with the Cool Hat

Well this is boring...

I'm on vacation this week and I couldn't be more bored out of my fucking mind. Sills works the night shift, Ashton is with Ramona all the time, and, truth be told, Jamie doesn't really help get my mind off of things so why bother hanging out? Vacation is quickly looking like a punishment more than a relief.

Things between me and Corinne are back on a civil level. We see each other at bowling, and we've talked a few other times online and once on the phone, but that's about it. It helps because now I'm convinced that she didn't cheat on me and I believe she's not looking for a relationship right now. Of course, the bad thing about this is that we did in fact break up for no reason. With me, I need a reason as to why things fell apart. I need to know why things turned to shit and there's no way to fix it. I'm not talking about bullshit excuses like 'We have nothing in common.' I need an actual reason as to what happened to us. If I could get that, then things would be much better off.

Looking back at it, even though it hurt a whole lot, I think the first break up was better than this one. Corinne cheated on me. Period. There's no bullshit in that. She cheated on me, and that calls for a break up. The better part of it being that I was fine with it. It was a reason I could understand, I could be against Corinne with, and there wasn't a grieving process to really go through because it was just anger for what she did. Now, I'm in the dark about us. When did it go wrong? Did I miss a sign somewhere? What did I do to make her so unhappy if anything at all?

The advice I'm getting ranges from "If it's meant to be, it'll be." to "Fuck her!" Either way, the main point is to get away which is the hardest thing to do. Anything that happens or anything I do will remind me of her in some way, and I'll get the idea to send her a text or give her a call. And either way, it goes unanswered.

What I really need is a distraction from all this. Just a girl that can take my mind off of things. Not even talking about sex (would be fun though). I just need some girl to hang out with, go out for drinks, the whole sha-bang. Believe me, I've been trying. With college in session and the girls I know around shooting me down, it's looking dimmer and dimmer. Hell, I'm even on craigslist looking for girls! Oh well, it's shit, but we carry on.