The Real and Ideal

I want to scream curse words

We lost our game tonight.
I really feel like slime.
We put up a good fight,
But they scored in overtime.

We were so excited,
when we came back from behind.
But the game abruptly ended
I wanted to push rewind.

The ref blew the final whistle.
Our goallie's face just crumbled.
Nothing could have stopped the flood
The day our record stumbled.

The cool goal that I should have had
Came flooding back to me
I missed the net, it made me mad
Frustration comes easily.

Enough with rhyming
It's kind of driving me insane because I'm not good at it.
All I know is next time
Their asses are ours. (Thats a mouthful. Are ours? Wow)

I think I'm turning evil. Or crazy. Or both
There is constant anger and annoyance
and lack of adherance to my schoolwork.
I think I'm just upset tonight.
But honestly, I think I've swore more in the past two days than in my entire life.
Veering away from whatever morals I seem to think I have.
Forgetting to be thankful that I'm alive.
Today I was helping little kids learn to skate.
And someone was rolling tires onto the ice.
For them to skate around, presumably.
Just my luck, one rolls right up to me.
And I'm not paying attention, of course.
And splat,
Next thing I know, I'm laying on the ice,
And my knee is hurting.
And I was laughing
Because how stupid must you be to be wiped out by a tire?
Pretty stupid, I would think.
Anyway.
I think the worst part about losing,
Is the fact that everyone is sad.
Disappointment hurts.
He looked right at us and said,
"Don't be sad. Mad, okay. But sad, no."
And I'm like,
You make this game seem like such a massive deal,
then we lose it, you tell us you're disappointed,
and you don't want us to be sad?
Obviously you think we are guys.
Actually,
I was a little pissed off
Because I actually thought we were gonna win.
We lose to this team every year.
We tied it up at the end of the third and I was like,
"Oh my gosh. We're gonna win."
Then it's like, "Ohh sh*t."
I didn't even get to go out.
I don't know if I thought I would have done something.
It was just frustrating.
Sitting on the bench and knowing
you can't do anything to affect the outcome
of something you want so bad.
And I mean, it's just a game
But emotions are what they are
And if someone was disappointed in me
For crashing a school bus filled with 50 smiling first graders
It would still be disappoinment
And it would still hurt
Probably for a lot longer
But it would still hurt.
Because I should have turned right instead of left
and I should have shot upper left instead of lower left
and it would have gone in
because there was open net there
but noooo
shoot where the goallie's stick is why dontcha?
It's annoying.
Last night
I went over to (insert name here)'s house
(Lol. I talked about you. Happy? Eh? Bee? Haha)
And we watched Titanic.
And I had that stupid song stuck in my head all morning.
But it was amusing.
I don't know why; it was a pretty sad movie.
This is really getting lamer by the minute.
Don't have anything worthwhile to say that isn't about the hockey game.
At least not at the moment.
I was thinking of something the other night.
Don't remember now though.
Tschuss. ~

PS (that stands for post-script, didja know? Cool, huh?): She Who Shall Not Be Named As Of Now- Think of a codename or something, unless you want your identity pasted all over the web. But now that I think about it, you have your name and school on MySpace.Duh. Doesn't matter.

PPS (post-post-script? Who knows...): Don't you hate it how when you're leaving the rink, everyone is talking and laughing and trying to make pleasant conversation and you're just like, "Gotta go. Bye." and they don't seem to realize that no matter how many times they say, "Too bad it didn't work out" you still don't want to talk, you just want to go home and take a shower and get in bed so you can feel sorry for yourself in private? It's a pathetic system when you actually think about it. But life goes on. It's only a game after all. I think.

I sound like someone died. We're all alive, and well. It snowed this morning, briefly, although it didn't stick to the grass. I have a house. I ate a delicious peanut butter sandwich. It was good. I had milk with it. My friends are amazing. My family loves me. I'm going to go take a hot shower with soap that smells good. My bed is soft. "My shoe is off, my foot is cold. I have a bird I like to hold." I like to read Dr. Suess. Life is good. Okay, I'll shut up now.