Break the Cycle

Other: Why I'm Here

With kittiara and Mavis Moog commenting in my blog wondering about how I'm exposed to my various triggers and why I devote an entire book item to my anger.

First thing I'll address is the site gossip. I admit most of the time I become aware of it through journal hopping. Journal hopping can be interesting, yet it can also lead to being privvy to gossip. However, I do like to keep an eye on others' opinions of the site and have become something of an advocate for more open communication between the leadership of the site and other members. This (among other factors) lead me to develop a reviewing newsletter.

Reviewing News and Views  (E) Interested in a reviewing newsletter? Come on over! #1229395 by Storm Machine

Some of the squabbles between members gets annoying, and I admit it usually pisses me off to see mods engaged in this type of catty behavior. I have to say a little bit of logical synthesis on my part has made me less ususceptible to being annoyed by what other site members do/think/feel. I'm not going to stop my journal hopping, although I'm reducing the amount of journal hopping I do. I've just figured out a better way to synthesize the information.

That said, I still think that in order to be a good mod, I should still be aware of what goes on in the community, even being aware of the various clique activities going on. Hey, you never know when someone will ask your for advice. The older I get, the more complex problems I seek to untangle. After a while, I have to admit that I want there to be more to the moderator role than explaining how to make a BITEM link 187 times a day. I also see myself as a moderator that aims to help those besides newbies and try to expand the writing possibilities on the site. Maybe I'm more involved than I need to be. Then again, I see this as a way to learn how to manage large groups. After all, managing large groups is part of my long term political ambitions. So I'm a mod to try to make a profound difference on the site. It's frustrating, and my inclinations to make myself aware of headache-inducing drama don't help. All the same, I see that changes need to be made on the site. Thus I refuse to stick my head in the sand.

Because I refuse to stick my head in the sand, my anger gets triggered. To help get my (somewhat violent) bursts of anger under control, I have this blog. This blog has, believe it or not, helped in getting myself under control. However, the quest is far from over.