Ten-Finger Exercises

Glum day followed by another

When I brushed my teeth Monday morning, I hit a sore spot behind my last molar. By mid-morning my eye was hurting, then half my head. Tuesday it didn't get better, and my neck was stiff too, so I got a chair massage. Wednesday I got in to see my dentist, (easier than my doctor) who took an x-ray and said he thought it was a sinus infection. So this is my second day of antibiotics, and I still feel lousy.

I went to the second session of Renovare last night, feeling blah at best, and found myself quiet and pretty inarticulate. The first exercise had already put me off when I read it at home last week, and I had decided to be honest about my reaction.

The exercise was: Which of the following roles of Jesus have you experienced most often and understand the best? Jesus Christ as my Savior: he forgives my sins and sets me free...as my Teacher: he teaches me wisdom and guides me into truth...as my Lord: he lives at the center of my life...as my Friend: he understands and comforts me.

All of that sort of falls into my category of "Jesus, my buddy" who I walk with and talk with, (and as a Presbyterian minister once added, "and he chucks me under the chin.") That whole "relationship with Jesus" idea has become so over-sentimentalized in my mind that it's a real turn-off.

I believe in God. I understand the completely man-made doctrine of the Trinity, and the Son's place in the Godhead. I have tried to get into thinking of Jesus in any or all of the above roles: savior, teacher, friend. I can do it, but it doesn't come natural to me. It's quite easy for me to envision God in those roles, or the Christ that is to be found in every person, but not the man Jesus.

I tried to explain, but was not very eloquent. Two people tried to help me, which wasn't all that much help. I wasn't asking to change.

Two of the women in the group were very outspoken. The charismatic woman, who is very bright and articulate, and offered help in a way that was not condescending, was one. The other is an older woman, the mother of a friend, who took exception to several of the points in the book, and did so with a great display of knowledge of church history. The woman who started the group for us and will bow out when we're going on our own, didn't know what to say. The knowledgeable woman called me later to report that the leader had tears in her eyes, and that she herself felt quite bad about having been so argumentative; she said that she did want to continue in the group and she would not talk so much in the future.

In the group, and afterwards, I felt a little overwhelmed. Facts of church history, etc., do not come readily to my mind. I didn't dispute the words of the author until Jane called them into question; now, I realize they did give me a surprise when I read them.

Altogether, it was out of my comfort zone. At times in my life I've seen that as a clear sign for growth. Maybe I'm just getting old, but growth doesn't sound as interesting any more. Nevertheless, this is the beginning of a new day, and, I hope, not a glum one.

Here's an article that is much more interesting to me, by Scott Peck, (author of The Road Less Traveled) on the stages of spiritual growth. It has a lot to say about people who are not religious, even atheists, as well as those who are. It's long, but if you even read the first page or so beyond the introduction, I think you'll find the material interesting and surprising.

http://www.hsuyun.org/Dharma/zbohy/Literature/Special/StagesOfSpiritualGrowth.ht...