In the Wolf's Den

Morning High

Morning High

Stephen Smith

Journal

October 1, 2004

6:13 AM

Coach advised me to begin a journal... After "the outburst" he stated: "there is something off about your eyes." So writing a journal was his remedy to help me release my anger, but today it is a remedy to release my sorrow.

It was an ugly f***ing morning as silence stroked the atmosphere. Death’s fumes ripped the air, if it wasn't for the sun's rays I would've remained in the woods. You see death’s fumes are becoming normal to my nostrils. But opening my eyes was difficult; recollecting the events that transpired pressed me into desperation, and normalcy is reaching its damn limits. I knew opening my eyes would expose me to my crimes. Questions fluttered in my mind, but one question stood bold amongst the rest: ‘did I take the life of an animal or human?’

My appetite is shifting moving from small animals to larger animals and humans. For a moment I just wanted to lie in the darkness and silently pray an animal was my victim, but I opened my eyes to witness my kill.



I poured about a quarter of a cup of maple syrup on my pancakes and began to eat.

"Did you catch the news today? What happened on the news is the reason why I don't want you out late, now," she stated while mixing a bit of batter

"What happened on the news?" I stated with food in my mouth

"Wait," she said while flipping her last pancake

I went to the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk, and then grabbed two glasses from the drain. I poured milk into each glass and afterwards I placed the milk away. I carried the glasses back to the table.

"Thank you" she stated after I handed her, her glass

"What was on the news?" I inquired

"O' yeah. What's the point of having that TV in your room if you’re not going to watch it?" she complained

"It's for company"

"Well, company can start sitting in the living room because I didn't waste a hundred and seventy-five dollars for nothing... Anyway it's all over the news channels. A man and his son or grandson... they don't know the actual-"

"Get to the point mom" I interrupt in laughter

She sighed, "they were killed, mutilated actually-"

"By a man?" I stated in terror

"No, no," she stated accompanied with a dismissive hand wave

"... For a minute I thought we had another Chainsaw Massacre" I chuckled

"That isn't funny Charlene," she adjusted her glasses and posture to let me know she was serious, "death isn't a laughing matter"

"I know mom, I'm sorry..." I paused as she sipped her milk, "what attacked them?"

"An animal. Police and other colleagues of mine are leaning towards a bear, but I doubt that. Bears maybe be curious but they are not aggressive..." she paused to contemplate, "Unless the man was- anyway, this attack is the reason why they changed my shifts, again" she emphasized

"But, school just started a week ago mom. And they have about ten other vets" I whined

"I know but they want a veterinarian with common sense," she stated in exhaustion

I pouted, "maybe you should take a nap? You look mad tired"

She sighed, "I know mad tired," she sipped some more milk as I was taking my final bites, "So Charlie?"

"Hmm?" I voiced because milk and pieces of pancake were in my mouth

"How's your love life?"

I nearly choked on the milk and pieces of pancake

"Love life?" I stated weakly between coughs

"Yes, Julie told me you have a crush on a boy in school," she stated knowingly

"A crush on who?" I recovered to a normal shocked tone

"O' what's his name" my mother contemplated, "I'm so bad with names Sy... no... Steve or Steven"

"Stephen! She told you I had a crush on Stephen?" I stated in horror

"Yes, that's his name Stephen," her smiled widened, "and from what I hear he is quite handsome" she nudged me in the shoulder and then winked

"No, I don't like him," I stated in embarrassment

"Yes you do I can see it in your-"

"Wow mom, would you look at the time?" I interrupted nervously, "I have to go to school"

I placed my dish in the sink expeditiously as she chanted: 'Stephen and Charlie sitting in a tree.'

I kissed her on the cheek, "mom you're so silly," I stated, "I love you, bye"

"I love you too sweetheart. Make sure you go straight home," her tone abruptly changed to serious, "until these 'bear attacks' end you are to be home by six"

"Okay mom," I said in obedience

"O' and Charlie do say hi to Stephen for me," she waved cutely

I rushed out of the house immediately after I grabbed all of the items I needed for school and started my journey.

Coincidentally, Stephen and I attended the same school, York Academy High School. I believe he attended York because his father, Roland Smith, was the principle. Stephen moved to Maine for reasons I was unsure of but a small part of me was ecstatic.

I didn't converse with Stephen, although the opportunity for us to talk shown itself in numerous accounts. I just circumvented the situations because I didn't want to get involved with Stephen. Julie and my mother were absolutely correct about Stephen's looks, it wasn't his appearance. Stephen's appearance made every female in that school heart's melt. He is tall, about six three (I think), with a very athletic, not too skinny not too bulky, built. His face is very well defined and goes perfectly with his bed head styled thick, shoulder length, dirty brown hair. His eyes were breathtaking they were so detailed with color. O' no it wasn't his appearance it was his popularity that made me fearful of us hooking up.

I often think that his kind, optimistic, and attractive personality would out weigh his popularity, but it doesn't because whenever I contemplated about Stephen and I being a couple the incident in the school yard broaden and forced itself to the top of my mind. He did exclaim to me to mark it as a lesson and I did. I learned not to like popular guys because I don't know their true self. Besides, popular people didn't hang out with the "less elite."

I checked my watch, "seven forty-five," I murmured

I was thirty-five minutes early because of my mom's preposterous idea. I didn't like Stephen, I simply told Julie that he was attractive, but she twisted my words and some how placed the word 'crush' in the mix.

Thanks to both of their ludicrous concept I was thirty-five minutes early I complained silently.

To take my mind off of my earliness I walked across the street to York's Grocery Store to buy something to nibble on.

I opened the doors of the large grocery store and paced down the aisles to grab a bag of Crunchy Cheese Doodles or Lays Sour Cream and Onion. The chips weren't too hard to find because I went there almost everyday after school. I grabbed my first choice and headed to the old cashier and owner, Mr. Ellington.

"Hey Charlene, want your usual?" he stated with a smile. My usual was a hot chocolate and a bagel.

"Nah, I just want this bag of chips" I placed the blue small bag on the red and checkered black counter

"Le' me see that will be a hundred dollars," he extended his shaky white hand accompanied with a hearty laugh

I laughed, "Yeah right! How about a quart-"

"Hey!" a male interrupted from behind

I turned around and gazed at Stephen. A smile was perched on his face and his hands were stuffed in his pockets. I turned my head back to Mr. Ellington and handed him the quarter, "bye Mr. Ellington"

"Bye Charlene," Mr. Ellington stated suspiciously

His piercing hazel eyes were steady, his focus was intently in my dark brown eyes, which made me extremely nervous. I faced Stephen and smiled nervously, "hi Stephen" I said with a nervous hand wave

"Charlie-" Stephen began

I interrupted, "Stephen I'm sorry to cut this short," I stuttered then glimpsed at my watch, "but... I have to go it's seven forty-eight and I promised Mrs. Crenshaw I would help her," I lied

"Do you think she will need an extra hand?" He humorously added "I have two" his eyes brightened as he smiled

"I... don't think so Stephen" I rushed

"You're probably right" he stated slowly, "would you mind if I walked you to class? We do have Mrs. Crenshaw first period"

"No offense... but I would mind" I laughed to dilute my harsh remark, "I wouldn't want someone to listen in on my insane rambling, I talk about so many things it hard to keep up with me, my mouth is so busy, busy, busy" I rushed while laughing nervously, "O' look I'm doing it now" I laughed nervously again

His smile was unexplainable it wedged itself between a multitude of emotions. I think it was a smile to protect himself from being hurt or perhaps a shield to not express his true ideas, "we all are insane" he added bluntly. For a moment he gazed into my eyes then observed the floor

I softly began, "true, some say there is no such-"

"Are you uncomfortable around me?" He asked contemptuously and abruptly

My eyes widened involuntarily, "Yeah-no. N-" I gestured with my head and then paused hesitantly

"That was rude of me Charlene, I'm sorry. You don't have to answer that question," he placed his hand on his forehead as if he was checking his temperature, "Charlie... I'll see you later" he turned around confused and headed towards aisle number eight

"Okay, bye"

I walked out of the grocery store and headed towards the massive school battling with my emotions and not knowing what just occurred. A part of me felt extremely bad because of my actions and lies but a major part was content that I removed myself from him. I remember ending the war with: 'I don't like Stephen' as a final thought. Once I entered the school I didn't think twice about the encounter I simply headed to my first period classroom 710-B, Math B to be more specific. The classroom wasn't entirely empty three extremely smart young women and a man, Jonathan, Ashley, and Jenesy, sat in the first row, all but one desk was vacant in the first row because that desk was reserved for Stephen.

As I entered deeper into the immense classroom the trio secretively laughed in unison and after their laughter Ashley added "that's not nice," I didn't focus on their possible criticism. I headed towards my seat observing the classroom's clashing vibrant colors a cheerful cheery for the walls and a blinding banana for the floor. I loved Mrs. Crenshaw's classroom, I didn't enjoy the class itself; I loved it for its welcoming atmosphere. The classroom was large it held an amazing forty-five seats. I believe its original purpose was for lectures but Principle Mulch, Stephen's father, decided it would be best to hold lectures in the auditorium.

I sat in my uncomfortable metal desk and then searched through my black Jan Sport book bag for a pencil and last night's homework which was missing five answers. I began to watch Mrs. Crenshaw, because I was suffering from boredom. Her face was stern and hard as she indulged in a gigantic Math B textbook. I gave the room a final look to take my mind off of math, because math was my weakest subject. I compared 710-B to my other entire classroom. Its abundance in space and vibrant colors triumphed over my other classrooms, I just wished a different subject was taught in this classroom.

"Ms. Robinson" Mrs. Crenshaw stated in awe

My head snapped in the direction where Mrs. Crenshaw and her desk lied.

"So nice of you to join my class so early in the morning" Mrs. Crenshaw smiled

I smiled and began to eye the huge blackboard, which stretched from wall to wall, in the background

She checked her pink watch, "seven fifty, I'm impressed Ms. Robinson, does this mean your grades are going to improve?"

The trio snickered

My smile quickly faded into an attitude, "I highly doubt it. Are you willing to give me a better grade" I retorted

"A grade is earned, not given" she stated with wisdom, "you must remember that, Ms. Robinson"

I didn't enjoy it when she called me 'Ms. Robinson.' I received this vibe that she was insulting my logic in math whenever she decided to call me by my last name.

I placed my head down on the desk to avoid further conversation with Mrs. Crenshaw. I shut my eyes and waited for thirty minutes to pass this was when class would begin. All was silent in the classroom everyone seemed to separate and began to enjoy the company of themselves, silently. Five minutes didn't pass when some one broke the silence by twisting the door knob quite heavily. I listened to the door creak open and with a soft click it was shut. I opened my eyes and turned my head to see the intruder. I was slightly wrong it was intruders who broke the silence, Stephen and another male I wasn't familiar with. Stephen and my eyes connected for a brief moment and without any hesitation I focused on the unfamiliar sight.

I observed the male, he came into the classroom nervously as he chewed on his Snickers Bar, which happened to be my favorite candy bar. He was slightly on the portly side, and he was quite short he was about four inches taller than me; making him five nine. His hair was cut short, very close to the scalp, and it had waves. His eyes were almost like mine, dark brown, but instead of a dark brown outline surrounding his eyes, his eyes were surrounded by a light brown. His fudge colored skin had two depressions, forming dimples at his cheeks. His dimples appeared every time he chewed. He was very cute.

The male walked past me into the seat directly behind me. I placed my head down and shut my eyes again. It wasn't long before I was disturbed again. I could hear Stephen's heavy footsteps approaching me.

"Charlie..." he stated as he strutted towards me

I opened my eyes and secretly rolled them in frustration, I couldn't understand why he was talking to me. I shifted my eyes from his Macaroni and Cheese Timberland boots to his light butter pecan colored skin. He sat in the desk in front of mines and stared at me blankly, as if he didn't call me.

"Yes?" I asked impatiently, desperately wanting to place my head down

He fumbled, "... I'm sorry" his attitude changed abruptly, "this is the work for Mrs. Crenshaw?"

Timidly I began, "I hope you didn't come to me just to," I ended boldly, "to question my actions?" I paused to receive a response, but was presented with another blank stare, "Stephen?"

His eyelids shut and opened after a moment or two, "no... I didn't" he stated softly almost weakly

"Are you alright?" I questioned in concern

"Yeah... I'm fine," he added, "I'm sorry"

"It's okay" I looked at him with a hint of confusion. I couldn't help but to wonder what exactly was going on in Stephen's mind. I began to think Stephen was plagued with a mental illness, and although the concept was a very serious issue a smile crept on my face.

It seemed like he was no longer burdened because he sighed in relief. "Charlie, I really wanted to ask if-" Stephen was interrupted by the mystery male's sharp, loud, obnoxious, and forced coughs.

After a moment Stephen began, "if you would-" he was interrupted, again by mystery male's coughs.

I noticed how Stephen closed his eyes and clenched his fist, which made me feel very awkward in his presence.

After a moment of his 'meditating' he began to speak, "if-" he was interrupted again

Stephen shot the mystery male a terrifying, threatening, and warning glare, which sent chills up my spine. The male cowered and stopped coughing and began to do what he was previously doing.

"I just wanted to ask" he emphasized angrily, "if you would chat with me and give me some advice?" His question sounded more like a command.

I was too afraid to object "... Sure Stephen..." I cowered as well, while shaking my hands rapidly to signify peace

He sighed "…good" he said softly and walked slowly to his seat

I watched Stephen's movements. He sat down heavily in his seat and placed his head down. I was worried about Stephen temper, because something so little enraged him.

However, mystery male's actions were very impudent. I turned around and whispered to him, "What you did was rude and very wrong, y'know?" I added 'y'know' because I didn't know him and didn't want to start off on the wrong foot

He looked up at me, "yeah I know, my bad (sorry) for interrupting you two" he smiled

"Why were you coughing like that?" I laughed softly, "it sounded like something died in your throat." The statement didn't make much sense, but he still laughed, which surprised me.

"Something didn't die" he smiled, "a peanut went down the wrong tube" he showed the Snickers Bar wrapper

"... Hey, I'm Charlene Robinson" I introduced myself, "did you switch math classes?"

"Yeah, the school decided to place me in Math A. But I knew I didn't belong in that class 'cause I have four credits for math, plus there are mad (a lot of) ninth and tenth graders in there and I was the only junior"

"Yikes, that must have been embarrassing?" I smiled

"Sure was" he laughed and I joined him

My laughing ended when I realized I didn't know his name, "err, what's your-"

"O' yeah! My name is-" the school bell interrupted him and before he could say another word Mrs. Crenshaw's lecture began. I turned around and focused on Mrs. Crenshaw's thin lips and coal colored eyes.

++++


Noon's bell was heard throughout the classrooms; ending the period and the teachers lectures. The bell caused teachers to scramble to place homework on the blackboard, which was always funny to see. I was almost sad that English class ended, but I was looking forward to lunch, because I wanted to have a talk with Ms. Juliana 'Julia' Andrews. Although, I was angry with her at that moment, I couldn't imagine what life would be like without her. Juliana and Raelyn were best friends.

My best friends were Raelyn "Rae", and Juliana "Julia". Rae was chubby and short, but she was a beautiful. She had this really cool energy about fashion. She often tutored me on what to wear and what not to wear. Julia on the other hand was two inches taller then me, and was really slim. She's an okay dresser, but I would never get advice from her.

Honestly, I liked Rae more then Julia, because Rae was an easier person to talk to, she always had something good to say, and thought before she spoke. Rae was funny in her own way, and knew how to keep a secret. Julia was the opposite it seemed like she stated all of the things that popped into her mind, but I learned how to deal with it. Julia was loud, annoying, and loyal. I loved them both equally.

I entered the small cozy lunchroom and headed to our usual table; close to the front, but not far from the action. I waved to Rae and glared at Julia as I sat down.

"What's the matter with you?" Julia stated while sipping a can of Sunkist

I punched her playfully on the arm, "Why did you tell my mom I like" I whispered, "Stephen?"

"Mmm, I told you not to tell" Rae stated in her usual nonchalant tone

"Shut up R. You and I both know that I just told her mom the truth"

I nearly screamed, "that ain't the truth!" I whispered again, "I told you and Rae that Stephen is cute-"

"Actually you said sexy" Rae interjected

"S-sexy then" I paused, "I didn't say I had a crush on him" my statement sounded more like a question

"Well," she dragged out the word, "I just filled in the blanks," Julia stated confidently

"Next time don't fill in any blanks"

"Alright, alright" she smiled playfully, "How was your day Mrs. Smith" she laughed loudly

I sucked my teeth to let her know I was not playing, "My day was... interesting"

"Mhmm… Dish all the details" Rae stated

"Well, I don't exactly know what to tell you"

"Then why-you’d bring it up?" Julia yelled

"Because, I'm confused and I need advice because Stephen wants to-"

"Stephen wants to what?" Rae stated defensively

"He wants to talk to me," I covered my face with my hands

"I knew it! You two are boyfriend and girlfriend!" Julia shouted to the heavens, “and it’s about time, Senior Prom is approaching”

"Shh! We’re not boyfriend and girlfriend or whatever else possible title that is twisting in your dirty mind, so getch-your mind out the gutter" I whispered, "I'm so nervous," I frowned to Rae

“Why are you so nervous, if you two aren’t going out?”

"Shut up Julia. Why? What is he going to talk about?" Rave asked coolly

"About their wild passionate-"

"Shut up!" I shouted at Julia, "I don't know why he's wants to talk to me, nor do I know what it is about"

"Maybe he's going to ask you out or-" Rae began

We were too busy talking amongst each other to notice Stephen standing there; "That decision is up to me" Stephen folded his arms across his chest

All of our heads snapped in Stephen's direction. I cowered overwhelmed with excitement and fear, while the others seemed normal in his presence.

"Then why isn’t your decision leanin’ towards a future for Charlene and you?” Stephen raised an agitated eyebrow at Julia’s rushed and attitude filled statement, for he was prepared to counter, but Rae interrupted noticing his tension.

I elbowed Julia in the side and whispered, “Shut up.”

“Ignore her Stephen” Rae stated calmly, “We’re just concerned friends and are only looking out for Charlene”

Stephen eased into a chuckle; "That’s understandable. I just want to talk to her" he looked at me and smiled, “I think if we had a talk it will remove the tension between us"

“Tension-” Julia began

"Stephen" I interrupted, “I don’t thin-”

He sat beside me and began to whisper in my ear, “Just let me show you, no convince you that I am a nice guy?”

I sighed; shifting my direction to my friends. Julia’s large head was shaking rapidly while her thumbs were pointing up, but on the other hand Rae was staring into my eyes.

“I’m not pressing you to talk with me if you don’t want t-”

I focused on Stephen, “Com’ on let’s talk”











...Wait be right back I have to answer the phone