My Life Questions

DISAPOINTMENT

I moved here for school...and after a a year long process they've rejected me. Its not completely my fault that they've rejected me, however...I feel like the worst person in the world. I've never officially failed at anything in my life...until now. I failed to gain acceptance at something I know I'm good at. Since I found out, I cant stop crying.
I'm quite confident that I'll never amount to anything great, mediocre if I'm lucky, but nothing fantastic and I've become okay with that. I knew that before I screwed this whole thing up it's just cemented now. Its not the most positive out look and I relize that BUT for me, it is realistic. My mother hates it when I say that.
Anyway, she called me today and gave me hell. We've faught before, countless times, but today wasnt one of our usual fights. For the first time, we really yelled and screamed at each other.
It got personal.We took the gloves off, or atleast she did, and just went for it. She told me to get over myself, that I should have asked for help and that I can't do everything alone and that if I had let them help none of this would have happened. The thing is, I did ask for help...just not hers. I did everything my parents told me to do, I just didnt get the right answers from the school and since it was ME applying to the school and not my family...I had to do most of it alone. Basically I'm a screw up and a failure and she's very dissapointed in me. The "d" word always gets me. I know my family is proud of me most of the time but its not a word I hear a lot. When the "d" word comes out..it kills me every time.
Obviously I got deffensive with Mom when all this was said, how could you not? It just made everything worse. I think I cried for about 45 minutes in the Safeway parking lot. I'm already dissapointed in myself, I dont need her doing it too. I know as a mother its apart of her job; I'm always told that. When I talked to Dad about it he said that mom just got her words mixed up and that she was really just dissapointed FOR me. I think he's making excuses, keeping the peace kind of thing.
She needs to back off sometimes and just LET me do things on my own. I dont ask for help but its always there, I get suffocated. They want so badly to be apart of my life, which I want to but not in every aspect ALL the time. Sometimes I just need to be alone, to just be me, with no expectations, offers of help or words of wisdom or encouragement. I thought it would be harder for my dad to let me grow up but it wasn't...he's pretty good about it.

So my question is...
...Is she really dissapointed in me...or for me?
...And what's the difference??