work in progress

death

Niamh had to read the entry three or four times before she realised that she was feeling sad.
"Susan Watson has completed her contract." It said. "She will not be posting with us again. Well done Susan!"

That was pretty stupid, Niamh thought. What was the point of saying "Well done Susan" when the one person guaranteed not to read it was Susan herself?
The comments other people had posted were equally absurd.

"She was the bravest of us all" wrote Jimbob2. "Fantastic news" said Littlebear.
"The fact that she was the only one among us who used her own name says it all" remarked sadmom.

What did it say? Niamh wondered. Was using a real name, her real name, that which marked her out as the one most determined to take her own life? It was annoying really that Susan was gone, her postings were then only ones which were fun, She was also the only person who had created a sense of community. Niamh had ony ever logged on to read what Susan had said. Was Susan Watson really her own name either? Maybe it wasn't. Maybe her whole persona created for the Final Escape community was a fraud. Maybe she had done for them what she had done at home and at work. Joked and laughed and hidden her ever more desperate pain and anger.

Why didn't I try to save her? Niamh asked herself now although you were not supposed to try to save people on a suicide website.

Niamh read back all the threads which included Susan. I know why I liked her, she thought, she sounded so damn happy! Why the hell did she take her own life? Why not moaney sadmom or whining downinthedumps? What about pompous isthisallthereis who was now proposing that they all sign his memorial Book for Susan. "try to include your special message for Susan, straight from your heart he urged". "Oh for goodness sake, Susan is dead" Niamh yelled at the computer. Instead she typed a new thread. "won't be posting any more. goodbye".

After all, she told herself, you can always log back in tomorrow with a new username. Would they be able to tell she was the same person she wondered. Could the moderator see your URL? It was too late to take it back for already sadmom had piped up "I know how you feel" and Jimbob2 had asked hopefully "are you going to complete your contract too?"

Niamh kicked the hard drive. It was really too much when even your friends in death were too annoying to talk to any longer.