From June 21 Onward

Until now

June 21, 2007

By some stroke of luck I've managed to find myself here on the very day of this journal's anniversary. So, update!

It has been a year of spiritual growth and personal development, as is every year. I have found God again. I have found myself again. Throughout, there have been struggles, but I have always preferred the uphill battle to the downhill retreat and subsequent slaughter.

This year I have turned to face my greatest adversary: myself. I have come upon the realization that placing the blame for the consequences of my life upon anyone or anything but myself and my own will is a game in which I can tread water and outwit myself for some time but which I will ultimately lose. The time has come to be self-responsible, self-disciplined, and self-made. This goes for both my personal defeats as well as my successes. I am getting out of the bad habit of portraying a victim of circumstance. If I win, it's because I followed through with my intentions. If I lose, it's because I am imperfect, maybe having a bad day. This is a game I can play, this is the game that I was built to play.

This has meant being real about what my faults are and making an effort to relinquish control for the better part of my soul. All my life I have heard from teachers and family that I have this amazing potential coupled with an equally amazing void of motivation. My greatest weakness is clear: it is laziness. All the grand ideas and goals in the world are nothing without the simple drive to do what it takes to bring them to fruition.

To that end, I'm taking each day one at a time, making an effort to do my best in spite of everything. Again, I am my own greatest adversary, as this amazingly powerful tool for reasoning which I have (my brain) has become very well trained in coming up with excuses. Half the battle, you see, is within my own mind. And so I must quiet my mind when the time has come for action, follow through before it even has a chance to interrupt me.

So that about summarizes my current mode of thinking about my life. As far as the physical details go, I haven't quite reached the goal I stated in the last entry about making $100,000. Let's be honest, to do that in a year would take a miracle. But I'm still well on my way. I have a part time job as a software engineer which pays very well for someone my age. I've been doing that since I moved into the trailer. Shortly thereafter, I moved out of the trailer to a house on the north end of town. It's like half-city half-country, and it's just about right. I've thrown some absolutely wild parties out here, although as of late I need to tone it down (after last week's mud wrestling tournament drew over 140 people, my neighbors and the police would appreciate some solace).

That is the last year in a nutshell. Don't let my optimism fool you, I still have my bad days. But in the end, my attitude is much stronger than it was before, I think you could tell just reading this journal. In spite of everything, I'm going to do big things. Just you watch.

Recommended listening: Shine On You Crazy Diamond by Pink Floyd. Just because it's so damn good. Peace be with you.

~ Dris ~