Finding Home

Chapter Fifteen

         Kyle wasn’t a heavy sleeper and more often than not, he didn’t make it through the night without waking up at least once or twice.  But, this morning, as the sun streamed into his room, he realized with a smile that once he’d fallen asleep he’d stayed asleep.  He supposed great sex did that to a person.
         Stretching, Kyle rolled over, eager to bury his nose in Deb’s scent.  It shocked his groggy system to realize she wasn’t there.
         He sat up with a frown.  Surely she hadn’t run away already.  Scrubbing his hands over his eyes, he refused to think of any possibilities until he’d searched the house.
         As his bare feet hit the stairs, he could hear stirring downstairs.  He let out his breath without even realizing he had been holding it.
         “Deb?”
         He heard a few clanks before she popped into the doorway.  “Morning,” she greeted brightly.  She was showered, dressed in a different suit than she had been the previous night and Kyle found himself grinning.
         “Morning.”
         “I got doughnuts,” she offered.  Her smile was cheerful, but her gestures were nervous flitters.  “I had to get ready for work, so I drove into town.  In fact…” She glanced at her watch.  “I need to go.”
         “Okay.”
         “Kayla will probably beat me there,” Deb offered with a pathetic chuckle as she twisted her fingers together.
         Kyle walked over to her.  “You’re cute.”
         She laughed, throwing her arms up in the air with some exasperation.  “Thanks.”
         His approach was met with a rolling of the eyes, but when he pulled her to him, she leaned in without hesitation.  Progress indeed.
         “I have to go,” she repeated.
         Kyle brushed his lips down the side of her neck.  “I know, me too.”
         “Okay.”  She stepped away, turning towards the box of doughnuts and selecting one that she carefully wrapped in a napkin.  She turned around, not quite meeting his gaze.  “I’ll…see you…later.”
         He found her hesitation adorable and it tugged at his heart a little more heavily than he particularly cared for.  He pushed away the heavy feeling and plucked her up by the waist.  She gave a little shriek as he spun her in a circle.  “Loosen up, Deb.”
         Her eyes snapped as her feet hit the floor.  “I’m not-”
         “I’ve got a dinner meeting,” he interrupted casually.  “But, let’s see a movie after?”
         At her smile, he realized she didn’t do that nearly enough.  He almost said so, but figured he’d save that line for another time.
         “A movie would be fine.”
         “Good.  I’ll call you when I’m done with my meeting and we’ll go from there.”
         “All right.”
         He gave her a smacking kiss on the mouth.  “Now go so I can get ready for work.  You really should pick later hours to open.  It’s the beauty of running your own business.”
         “I’ll keep that in mind.”
         “Do that,” he offered, slowly releasing her.
         “Kyle-” She stopped, then leaned in and gave him a slow, lingering kiss.  He knew she wasn’t purposefully trying to kill him, but leaving him with merely that was cruel.
“I’ll see you tonight,” she said with a nod.
         He smiled through the tension she’d churned up within him.  Attempting to ignore it, patted her shoulder absently.  “Yup.  Bye.”  But, he didn’t hide the fact that he watched her as she left. 
         Rubbing at the jittering feeling in his chest, Kyle turned back to the table and selected a doughnut.  Must be heartburn.  Downing the doughnut in a few gigantic gulps, he returned upstairs to shower and start his day.
         He chomped happily on another doughnut as he drove into town.  Things were right and good.  Business was booming, progressing—and the same could be said for his relationship with Deb.  Together, they were evolving…blooming.  He liked the image and smiled as he paused at a stop sign.
         His first thought was that he hoped someone who came out of a liquor store at almost nine in the morning with two full bags was having a very large party.  His second thought wasn’t as intelligible, more a slow, sinking in the gut.
         Delinda Gregg ambled down the street oblivious to Kyle’s prolonged stop.           His sister.  Half-sister, he amended, as disdain and guilt washed through him.  He knew better than to hope the bags of liquor were for a party.
         What he knew about his half-sister couldn’t be called a handful.  He knew she was in her earlyish twenties and somewhere toward the top middle of the eleven children his biological mother had popped out since him.  He didn’t know what she did or where she lived. 
         She was a short woman, not much more than five foot, and nothing but skin and bones.  Her pallid skin was lined with wrinkles that made her look closer to forty than twenty.  Her dingy brown hair was wet, he hoped from a shower that morning.  A cigarette dangled from her lips, practically down to the butt, and as if the thought occurred to her as well, she sat down the bags and pulled a pack of cigarettes from her back pocket.  Lazily, she lit the new cigarette with the butt of the one in her mouth.

         Even as his disdain and disgust flared, the guilt of being nothing to this girl hit him much harder.  Instead of turning left as he should have to continue to work,  Kyle pulled up onto the curb next to Delinda where she was picking up her packages.
         She looked up at him, and the smile that followed was laced with her own kind of disdain.  The disdain for those that had more than her.  She must harbor a lot of disdain, Kyle thought ruefully, because he didn’t know many with less than the Greggs.
         “Hi,” she offered casually when he rolled down the window.
         “Hi, Delinda.”  He leaned over, throwing the passenger side of the truck open.  “I’ll give you a ride back.”
         Her eyebrows lifted at that.  “Why?”
         The suspicion in her voice made the guilt swirl worse.  Had any kindness every really been given to her?  Especially by his family?  Or had they always been treated like something to be ignored, ashamed of.
         “We’re family.”
         “Aren’t you off to your fancy office to work on your fancy buildings?”
         Her disgust was almost amusing.  Almost.  “I’d like to give you a ride.”
         She shrugged.  Kyle took the outstretched bags and, with a frown, put them behind her seat.  She crawled up and settled herself into the seat without ever taking the cigarette from her lips.  “Cushy ride.”
         Kyle began to drive silently, leaving the window open and hoping she didn’t drop any ash in his truck.
         “You still with your mom?”
         She nodded, her scrutiny of him obvious.  “Yeah, we can’t all have fancy jobs like you.”
         He wanted to shake her then.  He knew the Gregg’s came from nothing, but she’d had the opportunity to work just as he had.  And he’d worked…and worked hard, for the job he now had.  It had had nothing to do with his family’s middle class standing.
         Instead of hurling insults, he kept his mouth shut.  She was his sister… no matter how far removed.  He had the obligation to protect her as he had the obligation to protect Logan.  He’d failed, he knew, but maybe he could do something…something to not fail in the future as well.
         She offered no other bits of contempt, merely smoked silently on her cigarette.  Kyle abided the silence and drove the way out to the Gregg house.
         Pulling up, Kyle remembered the term house wasn’t appropriate.  More like…shack.  Or what once was a house, but now was just a crumbling building of ruin.
         “Thanks,” Delinda offered, hefting her sacks and jumping out without a thought to caution.
         Kyle sat, watching her walk up to the house, debating with himself the action he needed to take.  Was this frivolous act of kindness enough to assuage some of the guilt?  Was it enough to know he’d offer something as simple as a ride if it were needed?
         Grim faced, Kyle turned off the ignition and stepped out of the truck.  Facing a half-sister wasn’t nearly enough to do the job.  He’d been back for too long.  He’d known this about him for too long.  If everything else was going well in his life, it was time to fact this.  And to do it, he’d have to face his mother.
         Kyle got out of the truck with the care of an elderly man.  With nerves and doubts waging through his brain, he managed to walk up the rocky path to the door.  Delinda had already disappeared inside, closing the door behind her.  He supposed it shouldn’t surprise him that she didn’t expect him to want to come in and visit.
         With as much resolve as he could muster, Kyle knocked on the chipping door.  He expected Delinda to answer, but instead it was the woman he’d been so determined to see.
         Leona Gregg was as slight as her daughters, but it wasn’t a fragile or soft slight.  She was short and scrawny, but hard angles and deep wrinkles gave her the appearance of a toughness of mind if not body.  Her hair was gray and pulled back in a greasy ponytail. 
         He noticed her weathered face register surprise before the usual look of boredom returned to her dull, brown eyes.  “Hi.”
         Kyle cleared his throat, trying not to show his discomfort.  “Hi…Leona.”
         “What d’ya want?  Your ma hasn’t been over with a lecture lately, she have you doing her dirty work or what?”
         He couldn’t help but wonder if she’d used the term “your ma” on purpose.  He doubted it would be out of kindness and instead figured it must be a reminder.  Despite biology, Leona wasn’t his mother.
         “No, my mother didn’t send me,” Kyle replied at length, wishing he had something to do with his hands.  “I wanted to… talk to you for a moment… if you’re not busy.”
         She snorted as if busyness was a foreign concept, but she stepped aside, vaguely gesturing him in.
         “Can’t imagine what you’d have to talk to me about,” she offered, crossing her skinny arms across the dingy t-shirt she wore.  He wanted to laugh at the faded outline of the cartoon bird, but his mouth wouldn’t curve upward.
“I… I’ve been helping Logan some.”  Very little some, he added to himself.  “And… well, I felt the need to extend the offer to you and the rest of the kids.”
She sniffed at the air, chin angling in an attempt to scoff.  “We don’t need your money.  We ain’t destitute.  If Logan takes handouts, that’s his business.  Them lousy Kapshaws give him plenty of that.  My kids take care of their own and my husband works hard and… we don’t need you in your fancy suit coming in here and throwing your money around.”
         The words were said but lacked heat behind them.  He’d admit surprise later that she outright refused money.  Right now he wanted to say his piece… and get out.  Cowardly maybe, but the sludge of smoke, alcohol and grime was too much for him.  “I didn’t mean money or handouts,” Kyle replied, keeping his eyes on her or the ground so he didn’t have to look around at the filthy conditions around him.
         She raised an eyebrow as she pulled a pack of cigarettes out from her pocket.  “What did you mean then.  Family love?  Ain’t interested in that either.”  She took a look around the room and Kyle thought he saw a trace of nerves in the move.  “I ain’t your ma.  Maybe I popped you out of me but that don’t mean nothing.”
         Kyle nodded, anger bubbled to the surface and he tried desperately to reign it in.  “Yes, I know.  But, I still feel an obligation to this family.  I won’t hand over money because I saw first hand where that money would go.  And, regardless of biology or family, we’re connected and I’m connected to all of your kids.”  The anger faded and only a sick kind of helplessness remained, but Kyle couldn’t stop now.  He took a deep breath and continued.
“If you…  I want you to know if you need something, I’ll help.  Something as little as a ride, something as big as…”  He’d heard the rumors about drugs in passing from Lilac Grove’s gossip faithful, but he couldn’t discern if it was true.  He wouldn’t ask, but he’d offer.  “Any kind of help with… quitting drinking or smoking…”
         She laughed, a raspy bitter sound.  “We like to drink and smoke, so sue us.”
         Frustrated, but resolute, Kyle continued.  “I’m just saying, if any of you ever need something worthwhile and can’t get it… I’ll help.  It’s an offer, not a threat or a handout.  Take it…don’t… it’s on the table.”
         Leona shrugged, blowing smoke in Kyle’s direction.  “I’ll spread the word.”
         Kyle nodded, not sure if she was being sarcastic or sincere.  Either way, he’d done what he could… his piece was said.
         “Here’s my card.  It has all my numbers on it.”
         Leona hesitated a moment before taking the outstretched card.  When she took it, she stuck it into her pocket quickly as if it might burn.  “All right, bye.”  She turned her back on him and disappeared to another room without a word or a gesture.  She was simply gone, and Kyle was left alone in the dingy room.
         Ignoring the dust and dirty smell, Kyle took a deep breath.  He’d done what he could.  He’d offered the best he could.          
         Now it was time to get back to work.  He was surprised he could smile as he walked out of the house.