Mental Meanderings

Mood Swings and Community

You know in a way I'm thankful today for this low. I know I'm on day three of it so I should be heading up tomorrow which is part of why I'm probably feeling a bit better but I've suddenly realized that while I've not accomplished the 'work' I feel like I should have been doing I've been in the remarkable position to help a lot of people. I haven't given the reviews I had intended to give and I spent hours 'wasting time' in the chat room. I come away feeling better about myself and realising that part of my journey and the struggles I go through with myself and my life serves a purpose.

The experiences I've had in life sometimes suck, sure. Everyone has those sucky times in life. But ultimately everything I go through gives me insight into human nature, psychology, spirituality, creativity and the real world. Everything I've experienced gives me a unique and enlightened perspective to write about it or just talk about it with others.

All thought my life I've been the sounding board and the shoulder to cry on for friends and even strangers. I must have this weird aura that says, "Come talk to me, I can help." I've no idea how it works only that it always has, from childhood. I remember being 7 and being he 'wise' one of my friends, the girl that the boys asked about girls, or the nerd that the buffs asked about classes, or the recluse that the drama queen sobbed all over because she was dumped and her friends didn't like her any more. (Her name was Melanie by the way and she was a carrot top. She never stopped being a drama queen in primary school at least and I grew to not like her too much but I was still always there when she needed someone to talk to.)

It's interesting being the person who can listen and reflect on pretty much any situation. My own experiences aren't the same as anyone elses but losing a brother to cancer gives me a remarkable insight into living with terminal illness or indeed any illness and with grief. There are other events in my life that shape who I am today but each offers me a chance to show people that while it's not exactly the same there is a sense of connection there, an understanding...

I don't know what it's all about. And part of my major drawing to writing, the reason I write is because I want to help people like this on a grand scale. I write fantasy fiction primarily because it's an easy going atmosphere, one that gives us the freedom to take risks and be more than we ever believe reality would allow us to be and in these sorts of stories I can approach so many deeper concepts. The fantasy novelists I love to read are the ones who already do this with their own work.

Anyway, three days and I had been feeling like I have accomplished nothing. Indeed all week long I got little to nothing done. But I come away from these last few days with new friends, strong connections and a fresh tie to the community. For a while now I've felt a little detached, forgotten, a little lonely so it's nice to reconnect and be noticed in a community sense. There are so many wonderful people and so many fantastic writers on WDC.

I love sharing our experiences, not just with our writing but with our living and our lives with all of you. I came here because I wanted to learn and while I find I'm often looked upon as the teacher I take away so much from the conversations and interactions with each and every one of you. Thank you so much for that. And for baring with me when I'm going through the rough patches.

And Anyea, thank you for giving my blog a voice. It really was a very special response and I love you for it. *hugs you tight*