Mental Meanderings

YouTube & On Your Page: Exercise 3-6

Ok, some strange, evil trid talked me into actually creating an account on YouTube today. I've known of YouTube for months. I've enjoyed occasional browsing sessions there and I've had a few friends point me to various videos, usually for their comic value. But never before have I bothed to create an account.

I have to say that not doing so, was simply a survival instinct. I'm so wrapped up in my other projects and I knew YouTube had the capacity to suck me into it's whirling vortex of terror. Boy, was I right. After creating an account I found myself exploring and starting to think up some crazy ideas. I'm the sort of insane that might actually, someday if I get brave or stupid enough, put my own video up. Along with time wasted watching the videos of other YouTubers I actually practiced recording.

Just now I took a recording of me and my baby boy and it's made me really appreciate the wonder of home movies. I've never taken video footage of my kids before. At least, not any that was particularly significant, that involved the kids interacting with me or the camera. I did take a minute snap of baby boy building with blocks once but this was different. He sat on my knee as we recorded and then as we watched it back and he interacted with himself in the screen and everything. He totally loved it. It's made me think of recording some conversations to baby boy via cam that he can watch after the fact or capture more moments with my family that we can store and look back on in the future.

Anyway, obviously I'm addicted which is a bad sign. Perhaps you should all chain me away from my cam and away from You Tube. I have too many other procrastination means, I don't need to be stacking more into my life.

Speaking of procrastination, lets move into Exercise 3 so that I can put aside this blog and gets some FoT written. Speaking of FoT!!! WOOT!!!! I've been patting myself on the back all day, truly celebrating an accomplishment. It's even been on my Yahoo status message and in my WDC handle all day today. Last night I wrote for an hour for FoT and a total of 1,739 additional words. It felt fantastic. For the first time in months it wasn't painful to write. It was still hard but I wasn't spending every minute wishing the world would end. So CHEERS!!! And congratulations to me. I'm a WRITER!

Ok, Page After Page, by Heather Sellers:
Exercise 3: Find a writing group.
I've already found one here on WDC but I will be looking for others in my area so that I can attend one locally. This is a time consuming task and as a single mother it will be hard attending a group at least until baby boy starts school next year.

Exercise 4: Attend Live Readings
OMG I would love to do this. Again, it's something I'll have to look up and see if I can find any going on. It would be great if there was one specifically focused for mothers that we could take kids to but odds are there won't be. Perhaps I can talk my mother or sister into babysitting? Will have to wait and see.

Exercise 5: Read and Listen
I already do this but I could definitely do more of it. I've been wondering if anyone does poetry readings on YouTube. Something to look into. Surely there are recordings of readings online I can get into. I've already got links to a podcast where they talk about writing but I don't listen as often as I should. Time to schedule those into my life.

Exercise 6: 15 minute free-writing. (Write down all the voices that are present within you.)
Oh Goodness, this is a challenging one. The book talks about teachers and a few come instantly to mind. They flitter through my head so quickly that it's hard to lock into them long enough to catch what they're saying.

Mrs Greaves was one of my primary school teachers. I had her for year two, three, and six and I adored her completely. She was always so warm and encouraging. She died in her garden early in my sixth year, spider bite, it was a significant loss in my life and I was rocked. Ruth Greaves as I call her now is a powerful influence in my writing life. I often feel like she was the first to believe in me. I can't remember any specific occasion she encouraged my writing but she definitely had faith in ME as a person and radiated the warmth and caring I would like to give others.

There were three male teachers in primary school too. Mr. Shrug was a little course. I didn't much like him, he seemed distant and didn't make any sort of connection with me. I felt a little pushed aside by him and felt a little left behind and forgotten in his class. I adored the year six teacher but never had him as my own teacher except for sport or when he covered for a teacher that was away. He was always so friendly and fun and soooo georgious. He was perhaps my first school-girl crush. I swear, he was a cutey. And then Mr. Pegoraro was cool. Most kids didn't much like him but I thought he was great. He thought he was funnier then he really was but he had a grasp on teaching, a grip on learning and he wanted 'his' kids to do well. He had an energy and passion that was inspiring. I often thing of him as Mr. Pegasus, winged horse. All these teachers have a part to play in my writing life and I remember them fondly if a little strangely at times.

In high school there was one other teacher who influenced my writing although far more negatively. She was my English teacher and although she mightn't have known it, I worshipped her. I thought that since she taugh English she must be brilliant. She failed me. I shared a story asking if she'd critique it for me and she said she would then never got back to me. After then, she failed me and in a way I feel like the two tie together. I often wondered if it was so bad she just couldn't think of a nice way to tell me it's hopeless and I should give up. I rebounded from those thoughts to thinking it's so good she's totally jealous and spiteful. The yin yang of a writer, ego vs. insecurity. lol

*ponders* Who are some other people who inspired my writing or have had an influence? My father to some degree simply by existence but not significantly enough to add to the acknowledgements of any of my books at this point. My stepfather had confidence in me. I don't know if he supports my desire to write but his love made me feel pretty special and important. I feel like he never doubted that I could be brilliant. My sisters, particularly the one closest in age. She's the one who asks me about my writing, she treats me like the professional I want to be treated like. She's not always the best for encouraging me to go sit, butt in chair, because when she's free she wants me to be able to drop it all and hang out with her but I don't mind that so much because she's not free very often. She hasn't read any of my work so far as I'm aware but it's in not having read any that I actually feel more confident. I feel like, even if I never published anything she would still be behind me, pushing me to chase my dream, whatever that dream may be.

My best friend, the afformentioned trid has been a huge influence as well. I've known him years and so he's been there through a few non-writing periods. He's the sort of guy who's judgement free. I never feel like he thinks less of me when I'm not writing. "I" feel less of me and I beat myself up about it so it feels good to have his strength in those times. He also doesn't let me slack off. He knows writing is hard, he knows I struggle through it but he also knows how very important it is for me to write. He knows how terrible I feel when I don't. He bolsters me up reminding me that I'm talented and that I deserve to have whatever it is I want in life. I really appreciate his faith in my ability and the way he pushes me, challenges me, inspires me. He can lift me out of a slump (if I'm in a mood to let him) and set me soaring again. He reads my poetry and likes it. He doesn't mess it up (too much) and while he's Mr. Math he really makes an effort to meet me on my level. His voice is frequently in my head, pushing me on, reminding me why I write, why I love it, why it's important and that I'm brilliant and beautiful and capable of anything.

My mother is also a voice in my head when it comes to my writing. She is another of the people in my life who believe I have the strength and courage to do anything. Sometimes I suspect she wishes I wasn't so set on this whole writing idea but she's never actively discouraged me. She's survived my asking her to read my work and while I often wish she could have more to say about it or could be more positive and encouraging and influencial I know that she is pretty proud of me. In so many ways I'm the wonderful daughter she adores. I love feeling that from her, knowing that she feels very sure of me makes me feel surer of myself. There have been ups and downs with her influence on my writing, but ultimately, without my mother I wouldn't be writing today.

My kids. Their voices are in my head every day. My daughter especially has complete faith in Mummy. She knows I'm a writer and she thinks everything I write is fantastic. It's empowering to feel like the most brilliant person in the world in the eyes of your child. She knows that Mummy doesn't know everything (I've told her that) and she's started to occasionally tell me I'm wrong (even when I'm not) but she still believes Mummy knows a whole lot. Mummy is clever and gifted and Mummy is special. That's a powerful influence to keep my spirits focused on the higher peaks of every mountaneous challenge.

Ok, so my 15 minutes is up but there is one last batch of people I need to acknowledge for their voices in my head. It's my friends here on WDC. Most specifically and in no particularly order, rain , ♥~HermyKitteh~♥ , Anyea , tirzahlaughs, Kåre เลียม Enga , The Literary Penguin , larryp, bkcompton, northernwrites, Sweets , Forge . There are many others who have influenced me and I meet more and more wonderful people every day. Their incouragement and cheering keep me positive. Their understanding and commiserations reassure me. These fantastic writer friends UNDERSTAND the writing world. They're an intelligent, creative, inspirational bunch from all walks of life and experience but who share this passion for words. There voices remind me that I'm not alone, they reassure me that it's supposed to be hard and that persistence is the real key. Thank you, all of you.

I don't feel like I really completed the exercise correctly. I couldn't think of specific quotes from these people so let me see if I can think up a few now. *Actually I cheated and dug a few out of my blog comments. I should take to my notepad when you guys say great stuff so I can use it for future recall.*

"You love people, you love writing, you love poetry, write what you love." --- My Trid (I'll never forget this one my Trid. It's amazing the vibrant energy it fills me with everytime I read it. Thank You!)

"You have courage. Don't doubt that. All you need is the opportunity [...] and I know you will succeed." --- Rain

"*points straight ahead* Yes RK, you are headed in the right direction. *push push* You'll get where you are going one step at a time." --- Sweets

"You are writing and that is wonderful!" --- Anyea

"Your continued dedication to your daily blog always inspires me Rebecca. If you did nothing for yourself yesterday, know you did something for me." --- Sweets

"Any way to write is great." --- Linda

"GO REBECCA! Keep on keeping on girl! You can do this. You want to do this, you need to do this and sometimes you even LOVE WRITING!" --- Anyea (This is a fantastic one I look back on often. Thank you Anyea!)