Memoirs

A New Perspective on Reflecting

a new perspective on reflecting

i remember the last day i saw dad,
'last' now taking on a new meaning

i had a band concert
we went out to dinner
and celebrated my birthday early
since we were all together
it's at o'charley's
with those sweet rolls

everyone talks
i enjoy my food
and get a free cake even though it's not my birthday yet
we sing, and the cake is dry
everyone complains
i like it though

when i'm done eating, i do something i haven't done in years
i get up and sit on dad's lap
even though he's still eating
like i used to all the time when i was younger
he seems surprised, but pleasantly so
and i say to him

"daddy, i don't want you to die"
he's surprised again, but not pleasantly
"sweetheart, i don't want to die either"
"why would you say something like that"
i shrug, want to say more, but can't here
"we'll talk about it later"

but we never did
and now we never will
he'll never know the dread i felt
the fear that he was going to die
and now he has
maybe i'm more psychic than i thought

all memories are now tainted
with nevers
and didn'ts
and whys
i can't enjoy the memories the same way
now that he's gone