Mental Meanderings

Time to blog again?

This blogging every day idea is a bit wacky isn't it? I mean did I just blog like more than twenty-four hours ago? Not to mention the fact that because I wasn't home to blog in the evening yesterday I'm blogging before noon today which means today technically gets TWO blogs!

Of course I have nothing to blog about. I read recently that people make money from blogging and it's left me a little shocked. Some people on the web actually earn part of their living via their blog. *jaw drops* $10,000 a year from blogging? How is this done?

My blog doesn't even make me any stray gift points let alone real cash. Although, with almost 5,000 page views it might have made a little shrapnel in 'pay-per-load' advertising if I were on a website that let me advertise. Then again, on some other website I'd be strugging to bring the traffic in from all over the web which ultimately means I wouldn't have as many views. Or maybe I'd have more because I'd be actively advertising.

Of course if this feces of a blog actually made money I'd feel like I'm totally ripping people off. There is rarely anything here worth more than my own two cents. It makes me wonder what people are writing about in their blogs that earns them a living? Are they solving eternal mysteries? Giving religious sermons? Discussing the qualities of leaf litter?

What I was reading also got me thinking more seriously about the copy editing I do. Did you know, if I picked up 20 hours a week of copy editing I'd be making $500 a week. That's more than my pension. Of course, I'm always afraid to think like that because freelancing is unstable income. I couldn't guarentee 20 hours a week worth of it and if I was earning that kind of money doing it I wouldn't be getting a pension.

I think that's part of what holds me back from most of my writing a lot of the time. The fact that it's insecure. Sure, I struggle on the income I have but at least it's steady and for the most part assured. Of course, I learnt recently that if my exhusband stopped paying child maintenence for whatever reason I'd be sunk. I depend on the money he pays to cover the mortgage. It keeps a roof over our heads. Obviously a financial faux pas.

*sighs* I don't know how to handle the situation. With the way my moods swing it would be really risky to depend on me working 20 hours a week. There are some weeks (like the last 6) where I barely work at all. With my sociaphobia to deal with as well it means I'd have some serious challenges coming up with clientele. I don't meet people, I don't know anyone who would be interested in the copyediting services I could provide.

What I really need to do is write more. But writing strikes terror and I've reached a point where I can't choose to write if I'm just going to hate every minute of it. Why torture myself like that. I'd be happier pushing paper on a secretaries desk or something. I have enough trouble bringing myself to my blog every day lately.

The viscious circle leads me back to my characters and the stories I've left untold by not writing. To my readers with whom I have some special messages to share through my writing. To myself who only ever dreamed of being a writer and can't imagine any other life. It doesn't make it any easier to write but it does make it so much harder to give up.