Diary of a Middle-aged Woman

02/19/07 - My 'Tween

My daughter and I went to the drugstore the other day to buy a few items. As I looked at the jelly bean selection, my daughter came over to me with a bottle of nail polish. "Mom, can I get this?" I looked at it and it was black. "No, what are you Goth? Pick another color." I shook my head and went back to looking at the candy.

Lately my daughter transformed into a classic example of a 'tween'. A fancy word used to describe a child who is between the teenage years and the 'child' years. She listens to different music than she used to - no more pop music for her, dresses differently, and is doing freaky things with her hair. She also would like to get it cut the same way as the singer from her latest favorite group. I wouldn't mind a new look for her, however, the singer is male, and his hair looks like I cut it - choppy in the back and long in the front. She began wearing her hair long in the front and I can tell you, it looks stupid. "My friends like it this way," she tells me. "Your friends have no taste."

I can't get her to wear, what I consider, 'nice outfits'. A nice top and a nice pair of pants would be a refreshing change. Instead, she wears t-shirts and jeans with a sweatshirt. "I'm not a girly girl," she tells me. Oh how I know that!

I long for the days when I could go to the mall and pick-out her clothes myself. Pretty dresses and cute outfits were the norm in those days. I could take her to the hairdresser and tell her how to cut my daughter's hair without any kind of feedback from my daughter. And black nail polish wasn't even an option for her. Pinks and peaches were her favorite colors then. Wherever we went she held my hand and she wanted to go everywhere with me. Those were the days!

Now, I have a stranger who is morphing into this odd person who likes to wear black nail polish, have her hair combed forward into her face, and wears the same clothes everyday. The only time she wants to go anywhere with me is if I am going to the mall. Once there, she looks at the t-shirt selection and black nail polish. Her room is a mess, she doesn't take care of her clothes, and helping out around the house is apparently beneath her.

She is my only child and I think this has a lot to do with it. Years ago, a friend told me that an only child will grow-up to be a selfish person. I didn't believe it. My decision to have one child is based on my own childhood. I grew up in a family of five children. I was the middle child. We never had money for anything and my parents bought new clothes for us twice a year - once in the fall for school, and once in the spring for Easter. I wore hand-me-downs, which I hated because I had older brothers, not sisters. I wore boys jeans before it was the thing to do. I decided then that if I ever had kids I would only have one so I could give that one child everything. Some people go the other route saying, "I came from a big family so I want to have a big family."

The down-side of having an only child is that you become everything to them. When they are young, they want your attention constantly. When they go out into the world, they expect the same treatment from others. My daughter likes to be the center of attention too, and one way she accomplishes this is by making funny comments at school, during class. Her teachers always write comments in her report that say "talks too much during class." I've heard her 'boss' her friends around, and then wonder why they don't call her to go out with them.

I can see this new way of dressing is her attempt to be the center of attention at school. If she is doing these things now, what will she be like when she hits the teenage years? I don't know if I am prepared for them. I'm concerned that she will go 'Goth' on me. You've seen the Goths. They are the teenagers who wear black all the time, wear black eyeliner too thick, and yes, wear black nail polish. They have various piercings on their faces and wear strange earrings. Whenever my husband sees a group of teenagers hanging-out together he calls them "Goffs" whether they are or not. We always correct his pronunciation.

Today she wants me to take her to the mall to see if they have a t-shirt of her favorite group. You can bet, I'm in a real hurry to get there.

Have a great day!