The Snowflake Chronicles

The Facts of Driving

14 Sultan 163 B.E. - Thursday, February 01, 2007

Fact 1: No matter how little you pay for gas, you’re going to pass a station that sells it for at least three cents cheaper.

Fact 2: No matter what lane you are in, the cars in the lanes to your right and/or left are always going faster than you are.

Fact 3: Despite opinions to the contrary, a yellow light does not mean go faster. It really means check your rear view mirror to see if the car behind you is going too fast or driving too close to stop when you put on your breaks.

Fact 4: If you check your rear view mirror, while stopped at a red light, and see the duo in the car behind passing what appears to be a joint, presume they are under the influence of something illegal and choose another route to your destination. You do not want to be in front of them, to either side of them or behind them.

Fact 5: It’s never the … police officer you see that stops you.

Fact 6: When you are late for an appointment or meeting, you will catch every light red.

Fact 7: When you are in no hurry to get to your destination, and may even want to be late, you will catch every light green.

Fact 8: You are not paranoid! There is someone out to get you. Your antagonist can magically change the color of his/her car and even appear to be of a different gender to throw you off, but there is definitely someone out to get you when you are in your car.

Fact 9: When you have to go to two different places on the same day they will invariably, be on opposite sides of town and/or over ten miles apart.