Who Am I?

Convicted and confessing

Feb 1, 2007

I was hoping today would be one of those days I could get on here and post to you that I was doing much better and all was well.  In fact, all is well...and in a sense I am better.  Sort of.  But the truth is I got a bit of a wake up call yesterday. 

I am one that needs structure in all things and a time line to get it done.  I procrastinate.  I forget.  If it's not in front of my face, well I'm not overly motivated.  I want to be, plan to be for the next day, but just am usually not.

Last night it came to my attention that I hadn't been spending hardly anytime with God.  I also haven't been doing much bible study or devotional time.  I need this.  I need this for my relationship with my heavenly Father and I need this for learning and for peace and for guidance. 

Part of my problem is  that I'm not in a bible study at church right now...again not exactly true..but ...let me explain.  A few years ago, I was in Disciple 1..it takes a huge commitment and a lot of structure.  I loved it and learned so much about God in that time...and about myself.  When it was over, it was almost like being out of school for the summer.  I took a vacation.  I missed it but it was kind of nice to not have to do it.  Now you would think after 34 weeks of reading the bible...it would be a habit.  It wasnt'.  But when fall came and we started back into a new bible study...it felt good.  When that bible study was over...there was no more Disciple...there are more books but the only Disciple study going on at our church is a Disciple 1 class.  I go to church on Wed night and we are doing a bible study in there ...Confronting the Controversies...It's about real life issues (abortion, separation of church and state..etc) and the bible and making a Christian decision...I've missed 2 of 4 weeks because of something going on...and I'm honestly not real into it.  Prior to that, we were in a bible study on Monday nights called Beginings...only it wasn't meaty ENOUGH....was too basic...and honestly I didn't put enough into it...life just seemed to be too chaotic.  I'm in a Christian mom's group every other week...it's more socializing than bible study.  I don't seem to have enough sticktoitiveness (is that even a word?)

When I worked outside the home, I prayed all the way into work and all the way home.  At church on Sundays I used to go up to the alter (when our previous pastor was there) Now, it's not that I don't like our new pastor, he's good but he doesn't always leave an opening during service for that..and after church it's not quite the same spiritually (though I've been known to do it)  now, I do pray every day...many times a day...anytime someone comes to mind, or  a prayer request is come across ...if I've told you I will pray for you, I've already stopped and done so...but to just sit and talk to God and try to absorb His love, I've not done that so much.  I write, and those are from the heart and soul...but then it's done and I move on.  I've not paid much attention to God in the meantime...I've become distracted.  I don't know how to explain it.  I know He's there. And I know He will take care of us..but I guess my attitude has just kind of been, He knows what's going on....I'll just stick it out and see what happens...not a good attitude at all!  I want to walk with Him and talk with Him...

So I guess  the first thing I need to do is open my bible this afternoon while the boys nap.  And then I'm gonna have to start intentionally praying....
And then...I need to start on that devotions writing at God's Way Group...cause if my writing is going to glorify Him..then what better way to start...

Anyone wanna start an online bible study group?  Any ideas?  Any questions?  Have I lost my mind? No, just been woken up.

I am thankful today for my Heavenly Father's love....and the wake up call

blessings
V