Little Girl, Don't Look So Blue

Living a life where being yourself isnt enough

"When you're broken in a million little pieces and you're trying but you can't hold on anymore. Every tear falls down for a reason. Don't you stop believing in yourself...when your broken." - Lindsey Haun, "Broken"

But that is what I feel like every single day. Every day, I am broken into a million pieces. I cry myself to sleep every night because nothing in my life looks like it is going to look up for me. The last line of Lindsey Haun's song, "Broken", sums up what I've been trying to do. I try to never stop believing in myself, and yet, in a way, I already have.

Is my life that completely retarted? Society requires a need to fulfill the social standards. In highschool, you might as well never be yourself, because we live in a world where being yourself is never enough.

I've grown up hearing the words that I'm not good enough. Over and over again, people just repeat it to my face as though they are saying that we are friends, or that I am special. Some people feel the need to put me down, almost like I'm this little punching bag that anyone can take their anger out on. When any of my friends is upset, all they do is hit me and yell at me. Sometimes, I can't even take it.

Find someone you can talk to, I know. That's what everyone says. But listen to yourself! The minute I have a problem, anyone who says they would help me is gone with the wind. They aren't real friends, they don't care about me.

And then when they come back like we're best friends, trying to get all of the info out of me and I won't tell them, they just yell and yell at me like everything is all of my fault.

I found the person I could talk to. And for a while, we talked and we were friends. But now, now he is gone. Because he found out one little secret that sent him over the edge, and now I live by that phrase, "What do you do when the only person that can make you stop crying is the one who made you cry in the first place?"

I am extremely controversial and most people either like me or hate me. I've tried to conform to the crowd, who hasn't? But every attempt at social contact seems to draw me further and further away from the crowd.

I am on the outside looking in.