Who Am I?

Happy Sunday! Now, why am I sad?

Jan 14, 2007

Hi.  Today is one of those days that I just try to get through.  And yet, that's not REALLY a fair assesment of today.  Today marks 5 years since my dad died. And while I have one friend who I knows, and knows well because it is the 4 year anniversary of her father's death, no one else really seems to know, notice, or care.  I know that's not true but it's how I feel.  Today, like most days, no one seems to recognize the whole in my heart.  My father was not a rocket scientist, a doctor, a peace keeper or anything that society would call important.  He wasn't even always a good dad.  He had his issues, especially when I was a child.  But as I grew to adulthood we grew closer.  I miss him greatly.  I miss talking to him.  I miss being able to bat my eyelashes at him and get what I want...I miss his laugh.  My father was a severe dyslexic, did not read above a first grade level.  He walked with a steel plate in his hip due to being born with a disease that ate the ball and socket.  He was overweight and was treated as if he was retarded as a child...because 65 years ago, if you couldn't read, you were considered retarded.  But my father was a good man who loved me.  He had his issues.  He and my sister didn't speak for years before his death and she even today doesn't care that he's gone.  But I loved him.  I miss him.  And I hate that my son will never know him.

And yet, I have to be amazed at God.  Who gave me a friend, who I can walk through these days with.  We worked together when my dad died.  Then I went on maternity leave and her dad died a couple of months later.  I could hardly believe it when she called and told me.  Each year on this day we call each other.  We support each other and remind each other that we aren't walking through this alone.  Thanks NAN ( you know who you are) for being my rock and sharing this pain and yours with me.  I praise God for giving me someone who knows EXACTLY what it's like to walk this path.

Well, too much to do today to sit here.  I'll write more tomorrow. 
Blessings,
V