Day by day, again

Feeling sooooo much better

I don't know if it's the daily steroid, the 3 new meds, or the increase in the Methotrexate but I feel sooooo much better. It's amazing that I am not even stiff in the mornings and the weather is much cooler. Usually I am so stiff I have to soak in a warm tub for a little while in order to move. Thank goodness for that!

I am looking for a new job. I am simply burnt out as a unit manager. I want to NURSE! I want to go in, take care of my patients and go home. I don't want to worry about staffing, report after report, disciplinary action with my staff, and all the other shit that comes with a management position. I just want to do what I love. Take care of sick people. Period! I am very likely going back to the hospital and work med-surg. That's the medical/surgical floor. I have always been very good at med/surg and I enjoy it. With the contracts being offered in my town due to the nursing shortage I could make up to 6K a month. That's a LOT of moulah!

I saw Jeff the other day. I left work and was so busy all day that I apparently forgot to pee. After taking several swallows of fresh iced tea on the way home it hit me that I had to stop or I would never make it home. I was near the shop so I stopped and begged for the use of the john. After flying to the bathroom I get my pants halfway down and start dribbling before I can stop it. How embarrasing! I had a wet spot but it didn't show too bad. I left the bathroom and Jeff was somewhere else in the shop so I booked it outta there. I had to drive home with a wet spot but that was better than losing complete control.

Anyway....I saw Jeff for less than a minute when I went in but it was enough to notice that his color is awful. I have no doubt his liver is deteriorating from his drinking. He had that look about him. Not jaundiced yet but getting there. You would think after his cousin died of liver failure (his admitted drinking buddy) he would think twice about consuming so much alcohol. Didn't seem to phase him. What a waste of life! I suspect his drinking probably cost him his marriage and his guilt about that makes him drink more. Talk about vicious cycles! Once an alcoholic, always an alcholic although he is adamant that he can quit anytime just doesn't want to. Isn't that what all alcoholics say?

I feel sorry for his boys. They won't have a grandfather for their children. The saddest part of the whole situation is that Jeff is literally trying to kill himself and doing a good job so far.