Day by day, again

Some relief.....finally!

I'm feeling a bit better today, thank God. I think the steroids are finally kicking in. I even managed to get out of bed without rolling out on my knees and pulling myself up by my nightstand...LOL. It's funny sometimes because my cat and dog, which sleep with me, look at me like, "What the hell is mom doing?"

Last week was miserable. My left wrist was swollen and hot and today it's my right. BUT...the other joints are calming down so that I am grateful for.

Auburn won last night. WARRRRR EAGLE! I love that team. It has been my favorite for years. It may even wind up being my alma mater. I'm looking into a program they have for nurse practitioner that includes my BSN, MSN, and then my practitioner certificate. If I can get the prequesites out of the way, it should only take me about 18 months. If my health will hold out, not to mention my brain...lol.
Sometimes I wonder how so memories I used to have are gone. I guess it's just part of getting older.

I called Jeff the other day to wish him a Happy Birthday. It's been three years since we were lovers but for some strange reason we remain friends. Of course he still drinks and when we talked he told me what a lousy week he had. His "drinking buddy", a cousin, Susan died of liver failure. When I asked him if that told him something he said, "Yeah, don't drink Vodka. I hate Vodka." So much for making an impact on his problem. In the same week, Susan's mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and another cousin was found to have a glioblastoma, a deadly form of brain tumor. His week was definintely worse than mine.

I can't understand though how his cousin's death from drinking didn't seem to faze him or at least make him think about his own death, in likely the same way, from drinking. I wish there was something I could do but as everyone who has been involved with an alcoholic knows, you can't help when they don't want it or want to help themselves. The last time I saw Jeff his color was not good and he had laughingly talked about having a belly. It didn't look a normal beer belly to me. More like fluid associated with liver problems. It's so sad. He has such a good heart although he rarely lets anyone see it. His problems just run too deep. I have received several calls in the middle of the night when he wants to talk. Of course, he is always drunk. Sometimes, I just don't answer the phone because it hurts to watch a friend destroy himself and stand by helpless. I'm just not willing to do that at times. Prayer is all I can give him which I do but only God knows what good it does. I can only hope He has an answer that will someday save Jeff. If not, it's not my place to question although I probably will. I still love the man but as a friend. He was very special to me at one time and it hurts to see a friend hurting. I often wish my heart wasn't so soft. The pain can be brutal.