Mental Meanderings

Waves of Motivation - BiPolar Creativity

*sighs* Today was another day of struggle. Yes my wrist hurt and I felt tired probably because my body is trying to heal but seriously, how could such a petty thing lead me to not want to do anything at all. Or rather a part of me wants to but that part doesn't seem to hold sway.

I'm starting to wonder if my motivation and willpower suffers bipolar. I go through days of intense creative activity. Then days of extreme procrastination. Anything seems to be a better alternative to writing.

I suppose it could be related to the normal cycles of my everyday bipolar. Usually that's a wave of three days extreme high, five days balance, three days extreme low, five days balance. It would be interesting to track my inspiration levels and see if they're in sync with my highs or lows.

If they're directly related then perhaps the best way for me to deal with it is the same way I deal with the bipolar; strict sleeping pattern, regular meals, plenty of vitamin B, and routine exercise and activity.

Meanwhile I'm going through a low. A part of me wants to write, a part of me knows that there are ideas in my head that I want down on paper and yet every time I come to the screen I'm in revolt against myself. Every time I start putting words on the page my internal critic screams in fury and starts ranting and carrying on about how horrid it is to be sitting here and how I shouldn't bother.

Even writing this blog is torture. I don't want to write it. And yet I've promised myself a blog and so I hunted around for a topic and really all I could find was how aggrevating it is trying to talk myself into doing anything.

*sighs* I'll have to keep reminding myself that nothing great comes without hardship. Meanwhile I can call this a blog entry to turn 28 blue. Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.