Loving Someone

If Tomorrow Never Comes_2

Ryan was weak from the medication and also very confused. He didn't know where he was and where his mother went. With tears in his eyes, Grandfather scooped the little Ryan into his arms, cradling him protectively. Inhaling his familiar scent, Ryan relaxed, his eyes drooping.

When he awoke, the sky was already dark. He stared up the ceiling from the single bed he was in, absorbing his surroundings. Suddenly, he was jolted fully awake when a figure jumped on him.

"You're awake!"

Pushing his twin off, Ryan sat up, rubbing his eyes. "I have a weak heart, you know. You could have killed me just now." However, he said that with a big grin. He was delighted to finally see David again.

David did not find that funny, though. "Are you really dying?"

"Is Mommy leaving me here, too?"

Glancing away, David nodded silently.

A bitter smile crossed the first time on Ryan's lips. He gulped convulsively, "So it's just the two of us, huh?"

"The three of us, you mean." The twins turned towards the booming voice that came from the doorway. Delighted grins appeared on their faces when they see their Grandfather. "Any one up for pizza?" Immediately, they scurried off the bed.

And from then on, it was just the three of them.

Ryan was still young and he hadn't comprehend the meaning that he's dying. When he did, he was twelve. That was the harshest attack he got since his first diagnosis.

The three of them were out in the woods hiking. His Grandfather was not very keen on the idea that Ryan followed along, but Ryan insisted on it. Therefore, they were taking it slow, a step at a time. However, such a pace irritated Ryan.

"Come on, Grand! Let's go faster! I'm not even sweating!" Ryan pouted.

David's face was flushed as he gasped, "Speak for yourself!"

Grandfather grinned as he surveyed the two of them. "If I didn't know better, I would have thought David here was the one with the weak heart."

Smiling proudly, Ryan puffed out his chest, his hands perched on his waist. "See! I'm strong! What's a weak heart anyway? So, can I go faster now?"

"No!" Grandfather warned loudly. Though he looked stern, he was actually feeling very worried inside. The first time Ryan had an attack with him, Grandfather was stupefied, and he didn't know how to act. At last, he managed to get his limbs to work, and he got some pills down Ryan's throat. From then on, he was very careful with the type of activities Ryan was involved in.

"Let's just stop and rest here." David had already regained his breath, and was getting his camera out of his back pack. "I want to get some pictures on this view."

David had found his soul mate the moment Grandfather had gifted him with his first camera. That was when his parents had left him alone. He was feeling depressed until he got his hands on the camera. From then on, he had been so busy clicking away that he was not even aware that he had put his sorrows behind.

Ryan started to argue when suddenly he froze and dropped to the ground. His heart was constricting and he was clutching his chest tightly.

Immediately, Grandfather got to the ground and gathered him in his arms. "Ryan! Ryan!" He tried giving Ryan his medication but he was shaking so badly and his whole body was jerking.

The two of them got Ryan to the hospital immediately. Thank God they weren't really very far in the woods. The doctor had confirmed that it was the worst attack that Ryan had suffered.

Ryan didn't remember much before that except the fear and pain. When he had awakened in the white hospital room, surrounded by his grandfather and David's worried gaze, he fully realized the implication. Immediately, he started crying. "I don't want to die, Grandpa. I'm afraid."

Feeling pained that his grandchild had to suffer so much, Grandfather hugged Ryan to his big chest. "Shh... it's alright," he cooed. But all of them knew that it wasn't alright.

Fear had a way of changing people. Once fully grasping the fact that he did not have long to live, Ryan stopped being Ryan. He was sad every day and his trademark engaging smile was absent. He didn't even dare to move too much, in fear that it would evoke another attack.

"Hey, Ry, wanna go take some pictures with me?" David invited one day, his camera dangling from his neck.

Wryly, Ryan asked, "How far?"

Rolling his eyes, David jerked his thumb towards the direction of the woods.

Immediately, Ryan shook his head, slowly.

Getting impatient now but wanting Ryan to go with him, David bargained, "Alright. We won't go too far in. Just down by the stream. It's only really a few steps away."

Ryan didn't get to think long for before he made up his mind, he was dragged along by David.

When they were there, Ryan perched himself on a rock carefully. David was walking all over the location, looking for a subject. Sitting there alone, Ryan looked David over. How he envied David for having the ability to go anywhere he wanted without a fear. How he envied David for the absoluteness of a future.

David snapped a picture of Ryan deep in thoughts.

Frowning, Ryan waved a hand in his direction. "What are you doing?"

Sighing, David sat beside him on the ground, next to the rock. He studied the camera in his hands. A long silence ensued before he said, "Are you going to be scared forever, Ry?"

Ryan scoffed. "Not forever. I don't have forever. I have only whatever little time there is left in me."

"What are you afraid of anyway?"

Incredulous, Ryan looked down at David with widened eyes. "Haven't you got it yet? I'm dying!"

"Have you died before?" David challenged him with a look.

Drawing back, Ryan frowned. Then, he answered carefully. "Of course not."

"Then how could you be afraid over something you have not gone through before?"

Feeling like a wise old man, Ryan answered smugly, "It's called fear for the unknown, Davey. Humans are well known for fearing over nothing."

Thumping his hand with a fist, David perked up enthusiastically. "Don't you see yet! Even you said it yourself! It's nothing! You knew that you're going to die soon, well, so what? Everyone is going to die some day. You might die young, but hey, nobody really knows anything. For all you know, I might die sooner than you!" Struck by inspiration, he quickly added in, "Well, I might slip now, fall into the stream and drown!"

Shaking his head at his brother's ignorance, Ryan said sadly, "It's also another fear, Davey. I don't know when I'm going to get an attack. Now, it's as though I'm just living each day, waiting for it to strike, just to get it over with."

David fell silent for a moment. "What was the last thing you thought before fainting the last time you got an attack?"

Thrown off track, Ryan took more than a moment to recall. A smile found its way to his lips. "I was thinking I can't die yet. You haven't completed a portfolio on me."

David chuckled. "Well, you’re right on that one." Serious now, he continued, "That was what I was trying to get at. If you knew that you could die tomorrow, why live today with any regrets? Nowadays, you were just moping around the house. Besides being a nuisance, you're also wasting away precious time. If tomorrow would never come, why not live today to the fullest?"

Ryan blinked, then grinned. "Race you to the top of the hill!" Then he ran off in the hill's direction.

Gaping, David stared after his retreating back. Quickly, he shouted after him, "I said live life to the fullest! Not kill today off!" Reluctantly, he got off his butt and ran after Ryan. A few paces later, David grinned. He must thank Grand for teaching him this talk.