A little something about nothing

Memories of my Grandpa

Yesterday I went to spend a little time with my grandma. I know I need to do this a little more often than I do so being asked to help watch over her this week while 1/2 my family is up north I am considering a blessing in disguise.

She is living on her own in the same house my grandpa and her were in prior to him passing last September. As I've mentioned before, my dad and all his siblings have split up the days of the week and each try to make it over there at least once a week so she always has visitors. Not to mention she doesn't drive, so they take turns taking her to her doctor's appointments, shopping and to church.

While I was visiting she mentioned her friend was over the day before to visit and play cards with her. She loves playing cards!! She was so chatty I could tell how lonely she is. I feel bad for her. No joke, every conversation I have with her she always brings up the night my grandpa passed and how she tried to wake him up. She is holding up pretty well, but deep down I know she is looking forward to being with him again.

As always, when you go to visit my grandma she takes you on a tour of the house to show you everything she has been cleaning, buying and getting deals on, or how well her plants and flowers are doing. Silly I know, but that is her and we all just go along with it.

On this tour she actually took me into the room my grandpa used to sleep in. They slept in separate beds because years ago my grandpa was hit by a car and ever since his shoulder hurt him. She has taken everything out of the closet, which is 90% his clothing and boxes, and covered the bed. Apparently she is going through it slowly...very slowly. Then somehow we ended up in the spare room, which consists of a dresser my grandpa made for my grandma, the desk that holds their tty (deaf phone) and the hutch that contains my grandpa's computer and all of his games that went with the computer.

I must admit I have been doing really well with his loss...as of late anyway. That is until I saw the computer hutch. I am proud of the way I was able to hold back the tears, not that I'm afraid to cry, but I didn't want to upset my grandma. Something about seeing it and remembering him sitting there and how happy he was playing all those cards games. He absolutely loved solitaire...on the computer or with actual cards in front of him. The realization of death came back in full force. Knowing I would never see him sit there again was hard to face. I know without a doubt he is in a much better place and he is feeling better than he ever has, but I'd be lying if I said I sometimes get that selfish feeling and wish he was down here with us again!