Orion's Testicle

Chapter 25 - Home Planet Sweet Home Planet

Home Planet Sweet Home Planet

The engines of the hunk of junk hummed triumphantly as it broke into the clean, bright air of Orion II .
Its sharp, bulky but mighty form tore through the atmosphere like a bullet through water and it glided down onto the runway like a kingfisher hunting prey.
Twenty seconds after landing Max was taken to a local bar, beset upon by police, beaten up a bit, taken away, and Anna and the gang were left gob smacked.

* * * * * * *

It was a Wednesday, and, like all Wednesdays, people were tired and unhappy as they realised they’re only half way through the week and they’d still got Thursday to get through before they got the Friday feeling.
Anna couldn’t concentrate.
She was playing the wrong strings, missing the fret board, calling Patrick by his name instead of insulting him, and falling asleep over his drum kit.
She couldn’t help but feel gutted.
They’d tried and tried to tell the police that it wasn’t Max’s fault, they’d toiled and toiled to convince them it was all a huge misunderstanding then they shouted and shouted about how fat security guards didn’t know anything anyway.
But it was for nothing. They took him away, locked him up, lost the key, found the key, lost the key again and decided it would be more dramatic if they threw it away.
Em, Meg and Scottle were sitting in the corner with their faces in their hands.
Anna put down her guitar and sat down on the floor and folded her arms round her knees. She sighed and buried her face in them.
She felt so powerless to stop them. If there was one thing that made her angry the most it was being powerless to do anything. It was the law.
She couldn’t do a thing, and she hadn’t done a thing about it for the three days they’d been back. Just sat there sulking like an adolescent after an unsuccessful love affair.
She wished there was just something that could get her into motion, an opportunity that she could take hold of, some means of helping, but nothing could be done. She felt exhausted. She felt old. She felt weak.
She fought back tears, but felt her lips quivering and her face becoming tense. She glanced at Scottle, and saw his eyes red with quivering anger and frustration.
She glanced across the group and realised that they all felt the same.
There was nothing. No hope.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


It is a curious truth that the world works in mysterious ways. For example, the Polopotitian people, 200 years ago, suffered a diabolical blow as their leader was brutally assassinated by the evil Nethethethethethetheti (a name feared throughout the Pegasus galaxy, not only because of their ultimate malice but also because everyone in the Pegasus galaxy had trouble making the ’th’ sound) people.
The Nethethethethethetheti people had formed a blockade around the lands of the Polopotitian and were making preparations to wipe out the last of the peace loving Polopotitians when their entire race was wiped out, brutally, by a jam sandwich that fell from above.
Of course, both the Nethethethethethetheti people and the Polopotitian people were microscopic, as were most of the inhabitants of the Pegasus Galaxy, which is in fact the size of a dinner plate.
The only real truth we discern from this story is that help may come from the most inconceivable sources, or indeed the most inconceivable direction in the darkest of hours.
Back to the story of our teenagers, however.

Anna glanced out towards the open window of the room.
Patrick fell from the roof above and landed painfully, crushing and ants nest.
He dusted himself of and smiled at the gang and walked towards them.
Not taking into account the large window sill, he tripped and landed on Anna.
Another familiar face appeared in the window was Walker, who eyed Patrick weirdly then addressed the gang.
“Listen..erm…guys, I have the Hunk of Junk on the roof. I reckon we should get Max out of prison. Thing is, I haven’t a clue where he is. Or where the prison is, to be honest, this planet’s a lot different to mine. All the buildings on my planet are colour co-ordinated and don’t have all these weird label things and addresses and stuff. I asked Patrick but he directed us the Cuttlefish aquarium three times in a row…” Walker paused. “Now that I think about it, we managed to come from a different way every time. Incredible, really.”
Anna threw her hands on her head in amazement.
Em cheered excitedly, got up for action and smiled with hope.
Meg just sat up smiling, as did Scottle.
Patrick scratched his backside with a complete lack of what could be even vaguely described as being self conscious.















The Hunk of Junk hovered over the cities of Orion’s Testicle with all of the agility and supreme majesty of a pregnant cow on acid.
Inside, the members of our gang were being thrown around painfully against the side of the ship as it collided with treetops, skyscrapers and statues of Orion.
Anna yelled towards the flight controls.
“Walker, I thought you could fly this thing!” she screamed.
Walkers reply was interrupted by the sound of millions of farm yard animal noises erupting and the sound of splitting wood.
“I’m afraid I didn’t catch that.” Anna yelled sarcastically.
“I said I can, but for some reason I can’t do it as well unless Max is here. Course, someone does keep pressing the buttons on the panel and making us fly into farms.” he explained, as a cow hit the vision port.
Another voice erupted from the general area where Walker was as the rest of the occupants of the bridge where thrown to the floor.
“It’s erm… Patrick.” said Meg.
They hit a yoghurt factory and yoghurt exploded onto the vision port in a thick white-yellow paste.
“Hey, Scottle honey, remind you of anything?” Anna said sexily.
“Dinner with an ex I’d rather not remember.” he replied, holding on tight.
They hit something again.
“PATRICK!” Em yelled to the chaos in front of her.
Patrick walked through the doorway onto the bridge.
“I tell you guys, having a piss whilst this is going on was not easy.”
“Then who’s pressing the buttons?” Em quizzed.
Meg shuffled nervously, and the ship returned to normal.
“Erm…it was Scottle.”
Anna looked scornfully at Scottle.
“I suppose dinner with your ex wasn’t all that bad was it now, eh?” she said jealously.
Excellent work Meg, Megan thought.
“So where is he likely to be kept?”