Straight No Chaser

Forgotten Day, The, or, Saturday, June Third

i don't remember what i did on saturday. all i know is i bought my lsat book.

the lsat is going to be harder than i thought. i'm fine with the logical reasoning questions, fine with the reading comprehension questions. it's the logic games i'm having trouble with, which is not because i'm not prepared (i subscribed to puzzlemania, growing up), but because they tend to be worded as follows:

"matt, ned, qi li, stanley, tonga and vladimir are sitting around a table with six seats..."

after reading which i laugh hysterically, in my head, at the thought that someone actually put money toward consulting a diversity council before compiling that list of sitters, and yet, somehow, still forgot big chief runnning bear. and after that, i can't concentrate anymore.

a survey, from akiko.

1. simply put, have you ever collected artifacts/compared notes with friends to prove the veracity of offline/online journals you read?
no. i mean, everybody giggles about how differently their friends behave in real life than they do online, so yes, that. but no, i've never called ticketmaster to verify that bobby123 was actually at that franz ferdinand concert he wrote about, no.

2. would you?
not on purpose. if you care enough to lie to me about your life, when you know it won't make me a bit of difference, then i'll gladly do us both the favor of believing your lies.

3. if the answer to both questions above was "yes" or "maybe," then, on a scale of one to five, with one being "AWESOME!" and five being "STINKS!" how would you rate your level of success in life so far?
it wasn't.

4. on that same scale of one to five, rate your current level of happiness wiht your life.
possibly a 2.5. it's not AWESOME!!! right now, and hasn't been in a while, but it's also not so terrible that my only joy comes from disproving people's internet lies, either.

5. have you ever overused anything new you've gotten or earned or bought just because you were so happy to finally have it?
i'm not even going to tell you how many miles i put on my new car in the first month after i got it. but that wasn't just because i was thrilled to have it, or tired of bumming rides, even though i was; it was because it arrived right in the middle of the worst semester ever, and any opportunity to get away from where i was, i said yes, every time.

6. do you drink alcohol? do you smoke? do these affect your lifestyle or your writing?
no and no.

7. have you ever hit or imagined what it would be like to hit someone with a liquor bottle?
shockingly, no.

8. with a car or other vehicle?
well, i'd never kill anyone, of course. but every time i'm driving down an empty road, and see someone crossing or standing alone by the road, i always marvel at how easy it would be for me to swerve and hit that person, then drive away without anyone ever knowing. which just seems wrong, considering that i never get away with any of the far smaller transgressions i might actually enjoy.

9. do any of your real fantasies make it to your writing? (in other words, do you NOT make up what you write...it's just what you really think about sometimes?)
i'm not sure what the difference is. i think what you're asking is whether my characters ever fantasize about the same things i do, in which case the answer is no, not unless they are directly based on me. and it's usually pretty obvious when they are.

10. do you fantasize about violence, namely, committing it against others and not yourself?
no, because violence never solves anything, and it never makes anyone feel better in the long run.

11. has anyone ever told you they think you might be capable of doing terrible things and are afraid you would never be caught if you did those things?
um, no? was this written for anyone specific?

12. when you bury your pets, do you cry because you killed them yourself or because you truly imagine the pain and suffering they went through?
those are my only two choices?

13. do you think people care too much about race/ethnicity/gender/religion?
it's hard to say. people are so passionate about all those things, it's hard to minimize them and say there's any such thing as caring too much about them. i think it's natural to get personally irritated when someone harps too much on one of the four, but i can't extend that to say they shouldn't. the only thing that does irritate me, truly, is when people talk about we should be blah blah blah colorblind, blah blah, which is, of course, impossible and stupid. we may all have equal value, or even equal potential (not likely), but our individualities are colored (ha!) by the cultural differences that come from the above four, and we can't have a society without them.

14. if the answer to thirteen is "yes," and you are a white male, then have you ever said you would never date "a black chick"? if you are not a white male or did not answer "yes" to thirteen, then skip to fifteen.
i am a white male, and yes, i have expressed that sentiment, but i think the phrase i actually used was "black bitch," which just rolls off the tongue so much better.

15. do you take yourself too seriously?
see above.

16. has anyone ever told you they think your sodium intake might be too high?
no. i'm not sure how anyone would be able to tell. i don't eat very much, and i don't even use table salt.

17. are you the sort who is comfortable with the idea of "experimenting" with people? (for example, "catching" a person and lighting "its" toes afire to see the reaction.)
absolutely not, and thank god i don't know anyone who is. and i really think i must have missed something, context-wise, with these questions. like maybe i was supposed to be a diagnosed sociopath before taking them.

18. do you think america should have an official caste system in place?
its unofficial one seems to be working just fine for anyone who would advocate an official one. i can't see anyone who's not already toward the top pushing for it. for the record, i think it's a terrible idea.

19. does it anger you to no end when you see someone from far lesser circumstances and with less knowledge, education, et cetera, than yours...write better than or equal to what you write?
no, it never angers me to watch someone exhibit a skill that i value. usually, when it happens, i just admire that person regardless of what i know about his or her background. (and i bet you thought i was going to say something really arrogant, here.)

20. all things being equal, if such a thing as mentioned in nineteen occurred, would you then make cries of "s/he was pitied by the masses because of his/her circumstances" if said person's first real novel became a bestseller before yours did?
no, because i thought the premise of the previous question was that this person is actually a better writer than i am, in which case, i'd be an ass to try to make it seem otherwise.

21. have you ever thought you were tricking someone, but it turned out they knew the whole time? describe what you did, and the other person's response, and then take and post an up-close picture of yourself as soon as you're done writing. inquiring minds want to know.
--no?

22. have you ever misjudged someone based upon the words they wrote? how did you find out you were wrong, and did you do anything to correct others' impressions of this person after having spread your "word jam" about them on the bread we call the internet?
my word jam. um, well, i have misjudged people in various ways stemming from prejudging them, i.e. not waiting long enough to issue my judgments and, naturally, turning out to be wrong. but i don't spread much word jam, i only really talk to my close friends about how i feel about other people, so there's never any need for damage control, later.

23. have you ever thought someone was a snob because they didn't know how to speak in a relaxed manner, or because they had strong opinions about life, in spite of their own flaws and life?
people probably think i'm a snob for the first reason. and i don't think the second description characterizes a snob--i think that's an "idiot." and yes, i hate the kind of arrogance that leads people my age to make these huge generalizations about life, base them on twenty-one--or, no, more like fifteen--years of conscious experience and expect that they are forging new philosophical ground, every time. some wisdom only comes from age and/or experience. but reading again, that's not what the question is asking...so then, no, i can't very well hate on people who are flawed but have opinions, because who isn't, but doesn't?

24. finally,b efore the bonus questions: have you ever eaten jizzed-on bread? if so, delineate for the masses how this event took place, what you felt and did before, during and afterward. give timelines, other life events, your struggles, all of it. we need to know these kinds of things, because they're more important (and viewership increasing) than discussing real-life problems and anxieties.
i feel mocked.

bonus questions:

25. ratio-ically, when you wake up in the morning, strictly speaking, how often do you say to yourself, "it's good to be alive!" versus "i wish that so-and-so didn't have what i deserve!" (hint: the lower the second number, the better.)
one-to-four, probably. but that's a pretty liberal guess.

26. are you gifted with psychic abilities? if yes, then what color is the shirt i was wearing when i posted this survey, and what am i thinking about right now? if no, then skip to twenty-seven.
yes i am, and it was navy blue, and you're currently thinking about all your heavenly blessings, if i'm correctly following the current trends in your journal. which is good; we all ought to, more often.

27. all things being the same, do you think, if no one ever gave you anything at all but life itself, you would make it in the world as it is right now without resorting to bad/shady behaviors? or do you think you would need to make some friends, obey some social standards, and have to concede that you did not do it all on your own based upon your own talent and worth?
i don't think i could make it even with shady behaviors, without the comforts of friends and social standards and those concessions.

28. do you think being kind at heart means you can't get angry sometimes?
of course i don't.

29. do you think people who wouldn't be alive except for current technology saving them at birth should be just like you in all things, just because they can do some things very well? do you judge people who are "beneath" you?
that's two different questions, right? i completely don't understand the first question, and as to the second, i'd be lying if i said i never judged people for various reasons.

30. what happened to 17b?
i don't know, but i purposely dropped the "a," so it doesn't matter.