Bloggin' Umholtz

I'm in love!

Tomorrow is my 16th wedding anniversary. Well actually, it’s our wedding anniversary. Since it takes two to get married. I don’t think anyone has tried marrying himself or herself yet, but if they have, I can pretty much guarantee you somebody out there would object to it. But I’m not here to discuss the societal mores of marriage. I’m here to discuss my marriage.

If someone had told me twenty years ago that in 2006 I would have been happily married for sixteen years I would’ve have told them they were nuts. Twenty years ago, in 1986, I had just a few priorities in my life. Fishing and hunting were the two biggies. They were followed closely by having a good time; (alcohol was usually involved) and chasing women, again the alcohol connection. Now one would assume that if you were chasing women you would eventually catch one, but at that time I didn’t give a whole lot of consideration to keeping one on a permanent basis. In fact, if the truth were known, I didn’t give a whole lot of consideration to actually catching one. I was quite bad at it. I know, I know, you’re sitting there reading this, shaking your collective heads somewhat like a stadium wave, and saying, “but it’s women that do the catching.” You’re quite right about that. The reason is – men are quite bad at it.

I look back at the last sixteen years in wonderment and amazement. I have never been so happy as I am now and I am constantly reminded of how lucky I am each time I travel and wake up in a motel room wishing my wife was there beside me. She is, without a doubt, at the risk of sounding cliché, the best thing that has ever happened to me or will ever happen to me. How I got so lucky is beyond me. I certainly did not expect it.

Without getting into specifics, over the past sixteen years we have had our ups and downs and have weathered some pretty rough seas. We have experienced things that I know would have, should have and could have driven us apart. The tougher the times were, the closer it drove us together, until finally we were not two separate people anymore. We are, quite literally, of one heart and one soul and that is what makes us strong enough to weather any storm.

Because we married later in life, in all likelihood, we will not have the luxury of celebrating our fiftieth or even fortieth anniversary, (My parents will celebrate their 59th this year), so we make each anniversary as special as possible. I take the day off from work and we spend it together. Sometimes we do nothing at all except be together. Sometimes we go away for a long weekend. Tomorrow it’s dinner and a movie. Each and every moment we spend together is extra special to us no matter what we do.

When I read about marriages that last a long time (and I know sixteen years doesn’t qualify as a long time) someone inevitably asks the question, “What’s the secret to having a good marriage?” Allow me to share what I’ve learned:

1. Love – you cannot have a good marriage if you don’t love each other. You can still have a long marriage, which will be made to seem even longer, because you don’t love each other. Love, however, by itself, will not make a marriage last.

2. Talk – honest communication is at the heart of every good marriage, no matter how painful it may be. If you don’t communicate, nothing you do will save your marriage.

3. Listen – It’s the other side of talk. There are two of you. It’s a partnership and each of you has an equal say. If you don’t listen to your partner and try to satisfy their needs you won’t have a partner for long.

4. Don’t give up – From time to time your partner and you will disagree. That’s ok. But don’t give up on trying to understand each other. Respect your partner and their position. You don’t have to agree on everything but don’t give up on each other. If you truly love each other, you will survive.


That’s it. It’s that simple.

Tomorrow, my wife and I are going to celebrate our love for each other and together we look forward to the next sixteen years.

It’s a darn good thing my wife caught me.