Breathing Room

Another Lonely Issue

I can't seem to stop thinking about the pay cut I took for my new position. Suddenly that's my brand new obsession. I have conflicting feelings. For one I think this is a great company and I have a wonderful opportunity here. I keep reminding myself that I'm still paying my dues and I have so much room for growth. Yet I can't help but feel as though I'm behind.

I need to be more diligent in budgeting yet I feel the need to spend. I hadn't bought anything (clothes) in a minute -sticking to my budget but I always feel like I need so much. Not want. Need. The truth is I DO need stuff but it never quite seems enough or I feel like I didn't buy the right things. There are suppose to be staples that you can buy for your wardrobe and just add from there and I haven't a clue. Its so damn frustrating. Sometimes I think money would help but I feel like I need to earn the big money otherwise I feel guilty...

I feel alone. I feel misunderstood. Hell I can't even figure myself out. Then I try to force these thoughts out of my head because I know I'm not crazy or abnormal or corny or whatever and I feel everyone around me is okay. No has thoughts that I do and acknowleding them makes them feel real and me like a pariah. (sigh)

I was reading O magazine and there was an article about lonely people. Listen I was embarassed to read it in public thinking people would think I was lonely and needed some advice. I was flipping through the pages always ending up at the article -partly because I'd read everything else plus I honestly DID want to read it. I needed to know what my problem was sometimes. Hell I have plenty of lonely moments...I'm having one right now...