For every dark cloud, there is a silver lining. Does anyone has change for mine? |
You are all writers here. So what I am going to say today is going to be plainly obvious. But that is one of my quality, (bad habit actually), I like to state the obvious. When I am writing, it is not my hand that is writing. It is not me that is writing. It is just my mind that is vomiting. (Too graphic ) Gibberish at first, just in a twisted, multi-threaded way, with multiple personalities, for the most part. Then it became clearer. A thread will dominate, and it will expand. It will absorb all others and make them all its own. At that point, it can be put down onto the paper. But the task is not done. The thread is still expanding, evolving, twisting. It will take on other gibberish, and it will suck in new information. That is the time the story starts to evolve. But that is good. I will take my time with it. I will edit it, then shelf it. Then come back and read it again, and maybe edit it a little bit more. At one point, when I read what I had written, I would be depressed. Because it is not as good as the last draft. As a matter fact, it is not as good as the first draft. Then I got out the first draft. I looked at it, read with a different point of view. It was pretty good. Simple, straight, green as a new bamboo shoot in the spring. It was not polished, but it had the attraction of its innocence. After I changed it, it evolved, more polished, with a new shining gleam to it. And yet, I did not like it anymore. It was tainted, it was ugly, it was a hybrid monster. Then I realized that I did not like what I have written just because I did not like myself. The piece stayed true to itself. The pen, (or the keyboard in this matter) stayed true to itself. My mind evolved into layers of sophistication that I did not like. I think that is the reason we like children. Their innocence, their guileless straightness. But we can not return to that state. It is like you cannot make the paint off the canvass. All you can do is make the paint more pleasant looking. Stay true to myself is what I am looking for, what I am searching for. It is a never ending search, luckily, I have the weapon exactly fitting for the quest. My mighty keyboard! (Weird sound! mighty pen ... mighty keyboard .. mighty pen ... oh well!) Keep writing, keep modifying, keep reading. Luckily, the mind influences writing, but the writing is also influencing the mind. Have you ever heard the phrase, "If you repeat a lie long enough, it becomes truth." ? Well, how about turn it on its own head. If you know you are a depressed, confused individual, write something positive and inspirational. Keep at it, and one of these days, you will find that you have changed. Well, in my belief, you have not changed. You have just added another layer. But it is a good layer. It is a layer with big holes that drills straight down to your inner core. The spark of life that your creator has put it there, your true self. Like me, I know myself in the real world as a silent, reserved, hypocritical person. (very good material for a politician by the way. ) So I am going to be an open, straight, wacky, honest (Ok, that would be go too far. Honey that jean definitely make your butt looks smaller. Hey, I still want to sleep in a nice bed once or twice!) simpleton. Does that work? I don't know. Shall we try and find out? |