Musings and Meanderings

Friday

Weeks just fly by nowadays, the speed of time accelerates exponentially the older one gets. Not that I consider myself old - my adage is, if you're in double digits you're fine, when you start getting into triple digits, *then* you can call yourself old!

It's finally spring in these parts, usually I like rain and gray but enough is enough. Sun is so rejuvenating after such a long gray period, I was beginning to wonder if I was even alive anymore. It all seemed like an alternate reality, a world without color, underwater bubble where fish were disguised as people - only their blank eyes remained the same. Deep sea world where no light can penetrate.

I plan to kick myself in the butt and truly write this weekend. I have let mundane interfere with my passion, and it shows. I have put on weight and I'm drinking more - true signs of unhappiness. I drive myself to the ground with work and am dead tired when I get home - true sign of insanity. It has to change. I know writing is what I want to do, what I *have to* do, otherwise I'm miserable and so is everyone I touch. And when I write, I usualy produce something at least fairly decent - so why is finding the motivation so damn hard? Anyone have a magic formula? If there was one, it would be sold in bottles at a big price, and all of us suckaz would queue up to spend our last pennies on it.

Wish me courage.

An afterthought - I realized how my 'self' is so much stronger when I write, when I'm not listening to myself I am easily influenced by outside forces and become fractured. Oh what injustice the world dumps on me.. remember we all create our own experience..