Marv's Mind

Textbook Vagina

I had two procedures scheduled for yesterday.

1. Biopsy of the uterus
2. Ultrasound of the female parts

I was told to take pain medicine 1 hour before the biopsy. I popped a vicodin I had left over from my elbow incident and off to the dr I went. I made sure to scrub up my crotch a bit so I could be fresh. I was a dumb ass and made the appointment for 4:30 p.m. This Texas heat can really wreak havoc on a vagina confined in panties for 8 hrs. The freshening was a must.

I'm also a dumb ass cuz I wore my stinkiest pair of shoes. As soon as I arrived at the dr, I went directly to the bathroom to freshen up my feet. Pew Wee!

I entered the ultrasound room and discovered that I have been scheduled with a radiologist in training. Great! The more...the merrier!

"I'm Ben and this is Taho and we will be performing the ultrasound."

"I'm Marv and I will be providing the vagina."

I think they were a little embarrassed but who the hell cares. I'm the one lying there with my legs spread for all the world to see my vagina.

They told me that I would be having an internal ultrasound. Great!

They showed me "the wand" and explained about the procedure. Basically, they shove a fake dick containing a camera up your vagina and dig around. I looked at "the wand" and asked them...."do you have a bigger one?" It took a second but they finally relaxed and laughed.

"Mrs. Salvo, the procedure will take about 20 minutes."

"Don't you think if you're going to stick your hands in my vagina we should be on a first name basis? Please, call me Marv."

Apparently I have textbook ovaries and a textbook uterus. Good size. Good shape.

"I'll sign a wavier so you can use my vagina photos in your training pamphlets."

"Marv, they aren't photos of your vagina...they're photos of your uterus and ovaries."

"Yes, I know but I call it all vagina. There's only one way in and that's through the vagina. It's all vagina to me."

I had them print me out photos of my ovaries and uterus so I could be like the pregnant bitches that sit out in the waiting room crying over the little life growing inside of them. I made them print me 3 copies. One for my mom. (She'll be so proud.) One for Zoo and one for myself.

The biopsy was never done since the dr was out of town. Believe me...I didn’t mind postponing.

-Marv-