Go Ahead and Ask Me

Depth of Character....

I would like to be deep. I used to be, I think, and then I realized that no one likes deep people. It's uncomfortable to think deep thoughts; moreso if a friend pulls you down into a recent mental meandering.

When I was little I used to scare myself shitless pondering the afterlife. Most kids were scared of Jurrasic Park, but I had panic attacks worrying about the meaning of "forever."

I used to analyze books, quotes, etc. I'd pick up the slightest hint of a subplot and describe it to my oldest brother, who didn't recall it at all. I used big words and odd/eccentric sentence structure that made it interesting to listen to me.

Unfortunately, I'm naturally a people-pleaser. I do what I think will make everyone the happiest, but those "happy" people are usually whoever is in front of me. What I do will accutely piss someone else off; and when they find out, I'll start back-peddaling. I try to "make friends" as Annabelle would say, by doing/communicating whatever my audience wants to hear.

I'm better about this sort of thing when I'm tired. I'm more likely to say, "Fuck Hot Topic and it's stupid consumerism; they're a capitalist company which embodies everything that punks fight against/hate," in front of a Hot Topic enthusiest. I'm more likely to say, "Life really is fair," and expand on my belief of this to a person who feels like they always get the short end of the stick. I couldn't care less about offending anyone.

(I honestly hold both of the above views..... Normally I just keep them to myself.)

I'm very open about my faults, though. Hell, I'm open about almost everything. But I'm always kidding about my bad habits, failings, quirks, etc. Other people are free to tease me about them too; within reason.

That's another thing. I'm huge about the 'within reason' thing. Everything is okay with me, within reason. I'm a 6-day-fundy, COG (get it, jay? You read Naked, didn't ya?), crazy about God sort of person. My two best friends? The first one is a Pagan, not incredibly devout, but active and participating. The second one is a not-so-active Christian. But Guen and I (the Pagan) have religious discussions all the time and she, as a Pagan, admits that I'm open-minded and accepting.

My self-esteem? It comes and goes. All in all, I'm a good person. (at least, I'm feeling it right now. Get back to me after I've had drunk girls belittling me all night... Then we'll see. )


(drunk girls don't really belittle me... I just blow it out of proportion. )







Have a great Thursday!!!!