Bloggin' Umholtz

You don't really want that flowerbed, do you?

Simultaneous with the building of the N.P. D. & S. in our living room I was beginning to have thoughts, no, dreams, no, fantasies of a real honest to goodness outside garden railroad. At times I would stand on our back porch, lean on the railing and envision the empire of the N.P.D. & S. sprawled out before me.

I was usually snapped back to reality by a voice in my head that said. “Don’t you think you should finish the house remodeling first?” At least, I think the voice was in my head. I did notice that Linda was always in the vicinity at these moments but as far as I know ventriloquism isn’t one of her many talents.

During meetings at work I would find myself drawing railroads instead of taking notes. This was slowly becoming an obsession. I bought track templates, software and videos. I devoured Garden Railroad magazines and joined online mail lists. I read and listened to everyone’s advice until I was so confused people actually thought I started to make sense.

Finally last spring (99), at the dinner table, I announced to my wife and son my plans. Casually I mentioned that I might start building an outside railroad this year. I waited for the inevitable question. Not disappointing me my wife said, “Where are you going to put it?”

“Well, you know where the wildflower bed is?’ I responded.

“You mean MY WILDFLOWER BED!” came the retort.

“Yes” was all I could think to say.

Now at this point, I’d like to take a moment and explain to you about the wildflower bed. The wildflower bed is actually a pile of dirt left over from a driveway improvement project. When it became covered in weeds Linda asked (demanded) I do something with it. Having the slightest stirring of outdoor railroad thoughts at the time but having no time or money to spare, I bought a $7.00 bucket of wildflower seeds, rototilled the weeds under and planted the seeds. Now see it was my pile, my seeds, my labor and now I was faced with “HER WILDFLOWER BED!!” Be forewarned all ye of the male persuasion.

After much intense negotiation across the dinner table I obtained the necessary right-of-way in the wildflower bed. Though to make this happen I had to relinquish my total control of the N. P. D. & S.; offer up some stock options and create the office of Vice Chairperson of Horticulture. Through this whole negotiation my son sat at the table eating his dinner enjoying my obvious discomfort. It wasn’t until I indicated that I thought I’d make a small pond in the one corner that he got into the act. Enter the Vice Chairman of Wildlife and Turtle Trails.

It simply amazes me that we managed to link this continent by rail over 100 years ago.


Next Installment: What the Heck is a Turtle Trail?!!!