Straight No Chaser

Ya-Ya

in fifteen years, treesje will be so glad she didn't marry sean.

she'll forget that sometimes, like if someday she runs into him with his fourth wife on sunset boulevard, spending his inherited fortune on wifely gifts that sparkle in the california sun. depending on whether she's known about wives one through three, and particularly if he's still got that disarming smile, she might be really, nauseously jealous.

she might have six kids by then, six little mosquitoes doing dizzying orbits around her legs, might be really exhausted from child support wars with a couple of exes, and it might really bug her to spot him with "skylar," the two of them strolling with hands clasped, unencumbered and unhurried. in which case she might really lose it, in a way she probably won't unless or until that moment happens, because only at that moment will it become clear how unevenly the plank has balanced on their fulcrum.

assuming we're all still in touch at that point, when that happens, she'll call krystle first, because krystle gives--not better, but angrier advice. she feeds indignance like fresh tinder on a flame, which personally i find unhelpful, but i guess that's what some people think they need, sometimes. in this particular scenario, krystle will find a way to transform the couple's stroll into an act of violence against treesje's spirit; she'll rant and rave until she's repeating herself, treesje will thank her dubiously and call me.

sometimes, like after a weekend like this one, i feel like i could be closer to treesje than i allow myself to be. after all--as i was very careful not to point out, because this is her crisis, this time, and has nothing to do with me--how she feels right now is approximately how i feel all the time, and i know exactly how inadequate even our saddest words are in describing it. how it transcends any angst or self-esteem issue, how much more it calls into question. i tried to communicate all of that without undermining her.

i don't know. there has been too much sisterhood this weekend, too much rallying behind crushed hearts, and now that krystle's discovered wine coolers, too much of it has been a little too gung ho.

but, yeah. she'll be glad.

when i was telling my mom about some of the things that have happened recently with sean, she was really quiet for a long time, and then she finally said, "do you remember what a crush you had on him, freshman year?"

"of course," i said. "it almost ruined my relationship with my roommate from week one."

"no, no," said mom. quick refocus. "i mean, it's funny, how these things come back around, the way they do. i'm just saying, chemistry is chemistry."

so not helpful. i never remember, once i've told her a secret, why i ever opened my mouth.

anyway.