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World Peace

I am an advocate of peace. I would like nothing more than to be able to walk the streets at night, screaming obscenities and exposing myself to random pedestrians, without having to worry about being attacked, robbed, and left for dead by a gang of senseless criminals.

But let's face it, folks. That just isn't going to happen. No matter how hard we try, it is virtually impossible to weed all of the psychopathic weirdos out of our beautiful society.

But do not give up yet, my faithful friends, for I have a solution! My plan is this:

Virginia.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Virginia. I simply picked a state at random, and went from there. Anyhow, here's the plan for Virginia.

We mark off a square parcel of land in the state. 100 square miles should be enough to start out with, and we can always increase it later.

Once we've got our land sectioned, we begin the tedious process of ratifying a 51st state. We'll call the state East Virginia, for obvious reasons.

And that's it. We stop there, neglecting to create a government of any kind in the state. There will be no laws in East Virginia. Nothing will be illegal.

Finally, we'll ship in the psychopaths. We'll let them rape, murder, and mutilate any idiots that happen to wander through the area. All we have to do is remember to stay the hell away from East Virginia.

Keeping the criminally insane in this small area will be a sinch. We'll just use the state as a dumping ground for the illegal substances confiscated by law enforcement officials in the other 50 states in the union. Every month or two, we'll ship in another load of reinforcement narcotics.

So there you have it. This is my plan that will undoubtedly succeed in removing dangerous criminals from the streets of our cities and villages. Before long, you and I will be able to litter, loiter, and vandalize once more without having to worry about being violated.