M Y S T I F Y

And the taste of death lingers on her lips...

I never knew Shana N. People described her as a nice person, a good person. Did she mean anything to me until now? No.

Shana died yesterday afternoon of a car accident. She was pronounced dead when they found her. Two other passengers were in the car, but they'll be alright.

I feel empty. Death always has a strange effect on me. I feel nothing, not the breeze of the fan or the keys of the laptop. I feel only the numbness and the emptiness that death feels me with.

Food doesn't taste the same. I know the cafeteria food hasn't changed though. My senses have all been dulled by the after effects of death.

Everyone's effected. So many people are grieving, breaking down into sobs. I put on a poker face, a mask, to hide the fact that I'm so empty inside. Everyone feels the tension, the walls that everyone has put up to hide how they really feel. People who didn't even know her, writing letters to her family, and holding back the tears that they want to spill. Death is leaving a dull taste in everyone's mouth.

What really got to me was the smiling face of her school picture, placed everywhere in the school. It mocks me, smiling at me innocently. I want to rip it, burn it, shred it, piss on it. How can it be smiling at me? SHE'S FRIKKING DEAD! How can they show Shana, full of life, happy, when now she is mutilated and deseased? It's a closed casket funeral because her body's been destroyed, ripped apart by her car ramming into a tree.

I don't know why I feel this way. I mean, I never knew her until yesterday. But still, her death is effecting everyone. I swear, no one genuinely smiled to day. Every smile was to mask the hurt the pain. Everyone feels it. Everyone grieves in their own way. And this is mine.

I'm still falling. I'm falling forever, with my lies and masks.

Catch me as I fall...