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Vegetarian muffins

When my alarm clock began its usual screeching uluation at 7:00 this morning, I smacked it as hard as I could with my fist, and, muttering a random string of consonants under my breath, groggily rolled out from under the covers and awoke to greet the day.

I shuffled around my dark dorm room, finally making my way through the bathroom door, and flipping the switch to turn on the lights. After staring at my wardrobe for a few minutes, I realized that I'd stumbled into the closet by mistake.

Shuffling around a bit more, I made it into the bathroom, where I showered and brushed my teeth. After a quick stop back in the closet, I changed clothes and left.

I got a few feet down the hall before I remembered that I'd forgotten to pee. So I went back and took care of that, and then left for the cafeteria.

Picking up a tray and a fork, I headed for the breakfast line. Halfway there, I dropped the fork, and had to turn back and get another one. Finally, I reached the food area. I requested my usual (2 pancakes and one helping of scrambled eggs), and helped myself to a glass of orange juice.

Up until that moment, my morning had gone exactly as scheduled. My daily routine was unfolding nicely before me.

And then I reached the muffins.

I'm a muffin person. If they have muffins, I'll get one. Well, they had muffins all right. Blueberry muffins. And in front of the tray on which they sat, there was a sign, which read:

VEGETARIAN MUFFINS

What the hell was in these muffins to begin with? Because there really isn't a whole lot that you can sneak into a muffin without causing a noticable irregularity in the texture of the thing. What did they do, run out of Canola oil at the last minute and decide to use bacon grease instead? Because even that would have been noticeable, tastewise, I mean.

I must say, however, that the vegetarian muffins were quite good. I ate seven of them.

But for some reason, I just didn't have an appetite for my eggs, pancakes, or orange juice.