The Life Of Me.

I'm A Bit Scared :-(

I don't know why I'm so scared...but I just feel really uneasy, on edge and yearning to know that everything's ok. We've been texting each other all day...and we've both said how much we don't want to break up...so why isn't that enough? Why don't I feel okay

I'm just so scared of losing him. When we're arguing it feels like it would be so much easier and better if we just ended it...but then afterwards, when I think about that thought...that little bit of doubt...I feel sick. I feel sick now. I feel sick knowing that I might lose him. He's my entire world...I've sat around all day doing absolutely sweet FA. All I've done is think about him. What is it about heartache that makes you so lethargic?

I'm so scared...what if he changes his mind? He keeps saying that he's going to change, that it's him that needs to change his ways because it's always him....but is it? Sometimes, yeah...it is. Personally, I feel that there are some things that he could have handled better, he could handle his temper and his defence mechanisms...but it probably is me. How could it not be me? I've not suddenly changed into a person that doesn't do wrong. I always do wrong...it's always me...I need him...

I was talking to this girl today, old friend from high school...and she's doing the exact thing that I hate when girls get dumped. Beg and cry and drink. HE LEFT HER FOR ANOTHER GIRL, AND YET STILL WANTS HIM BACK?!?!?! What is wrong with people? Not just her, the guy aswell...why can't people just be nice Why can't people get along. Why does there have to be evil in the world? Why do people have to get hurt? Will I get hurt?

I have so many questions that will never be answered...so many questions about my future that I will never have answered until I get there. Like...am I being a fool for putting my heart on the line? Will I regret the trust I'm putting in this relationship? I'm so scared. I don't want to get hurt, and I don't want to lose him. I bet whoever's reading this is thinking I'm pathetic lol. I probably am being pathetic *sigh*. I guess though, if you've ever been in love, you must have had some of these doubts before too...I don't have them often. I'm usually filled with this innate sense that he will be my husband and that he will father my children. Just right now *sigh*.

*10 minutes later* Just been messing around with my sister, having a good laugh, and I feel a little bit better now. She's funny lol. Always manages to cheer me up...well not always lol, because sometimes she causes it...but a lot of the time. We have some good fun, me and Katie. You can always rely on your family can't you