Orion's Testicle

Chapter 13 - An Unhelpful Saviour

Chapter 13- An unhelpful Saviour

Patrick, however, had other intentions. He had left his house and followed the crowd into the aquarium, where he was forming elaborate and complex schemes to look up girls' skirts, by which implies he was using a broomstick and lifting them up.
After being slapped numerous times he decided he was far too sexy for these local girls.
He then played with his hair a lot, just to annoy people.
He was then amazed and delighted to see a horde of people admiring the cuttlefish as he came here so often to do. He was horrified to discover that a new, crudely made sign was plastered over the information on the cuttlefish, saying 'Mermaid.'
This made him very angry indeed, so he made his point of aggression by running round the rear of the tank and kicking the maintenance door down.
The door butted Em in the face.
"Ow, for guitar's sake, who the hell did that?" she cried.
"Oh, it's you! tell me, what were you doing in my favourite tank?" Patrick retaliated.
"Being looked upon by perves, and having to not pee, because if you've not already noticed I'm a mermaid."
"That's no excuse, don't go in that tank, you'll scare poor Ed the Cuttlefish."
"Look, it's not like I want to be here! It's all your songs' fault, made me like this when I sang it."
Patrick turned to Meg and Alexia.
"Now who's bad at writing? Godly spells written by me, two, godly spells from you, zero..."
Meg kicked Patrick in the balls, and hurt her foot. Patrick didn't even move.
"Fret that hurt! What the hell are you made of?"
"Well, I did try and tell you before at the party, but you were too busy. I caught S.L at Wednesday's band practice."
"Ha! You have stone balls!"
"Which you almost broke your toe on." Patrick replied smugly.
Meg decided it wasn't worth any trouble, and asked Patrick for help instead. Grudgingly, Patrick helped, and picked up Em, and walked outside, with Meg holding the tail and Alexia stealing the fish food.
They snuck their way past the crowds gaping at the now almost empty tank. there was a tunnel reaching up to the outside, and they made their way cautiously through it. They came upon two large outdoor pools, separated by a rock wall in between. The outside was deserted; all the customers were looking at the tank, firmly believing that a mermaid with stiff nipples was hiding behind a lump of coral. Unbeknownst to them, Em's stiff nipples had thankfully relaxed, and she was well on her way to freedom. Patrick and Meg set her down into the outdoor pool for a quick rest. Em swam about in glee, it was still fun to be a mermaid, she may as well make the most of it before they get her back to normal.
How are we going to get her back to normal? Thought Meg. This whole cuttlefish song was beginning to be more trouble then its worth.
She and Patrick walked over to the next pool. Alexia was playing on the rock wall.
A security gate slammed shut behind them.
Meg panicked. Em was still in the water on the other side.
"Oh Guitar! Alexia! Shout to Em, and tell her she needs to get to us!"
"You shout to Em, it's not my problem."
"Oh for Frets sake!" she shouted. "EM!"
Em leaped out of the water.
"What?" she said, and plopped back in.
"We need to get you out of there!"
Em plopped back out again joyfully.
"Just pick me up at the shore in a bit, relax."
"Look with your eyes fish-girl! We can't get to you."
Em looked around. Meg was right.
"Oh shells! What can I do? I'm stuck here."
"You're gonna have to leap over the rock wall Alexia's lazing on."
"Oh! It's just like that movie!" Alexia cried.
"What movie?" Patrick cried.
Alexia paused, and then spoke again apologetically.
"I don't know...sorry, forget I ever said anything."
"Em, do you think you can make it?" Meg asked.
"Easy as sea. Watch me."
Em sped underwater for a second, and then shot out into the air, in the direction of the other pool.
Meg knew what was about to happen. All she could do was yell a quick warning.
"Alexia! MOVE!"
"Guitar, you're so deman-"
Em's long mermaid body smashed into Alexia's face, cutting of her last word.
She flew backwards with Em on top of her into the second pool.
"For guitar's sake, Alexia, can't you just listen..." meg whispered as she splashed into the water.
Alexia rose up to the surface and started gaping for air.
"What the fret is going on? Where the fret am I?" she puffed.
"Meg, she's back!" Em cried happily.
"Oh thank the heavens above." Meg cried.
Em dragged Alexia to the side of the pool.
"Right guys, we do a lot of crazy things, but this is the worst yet. Someone explain to me right from the top."
Patrick climbed on top of the building.
"Well, it's quite simple, Em had sung my song in the....shower yesterday and it's turned her into a mermaid. She was obviously embarrassed by it and tried to flee into the river. Unfortunately, my uncle fishes in that same river and caught her. He originally intended to hang her above the fireplace but he was persuaded that there was a lot of money to be made if he sold her to the aquarium. You were taken here today because you were acting all strangely young, for a reason I don't know. Meg was with you, and saw Em in the tank being perved upon. I came to look at eddy the cuttlefish as I often do, and score with the local girls as I'm just that amazingly attractive. We rescued Em from the tank, ran out here and dropped her into the pool here for a quick rest.'
"I remember some of that. I drank that weird fluid, and then it was all a bit weird from there, I felt like I actually had a purpose in life."
"It was youth potion, you went back to five years old." Meg filled in.
Patrick continued from above.
"Yes, that would explain it. Anyways, we walked over to the second pool, and this gate-" he tapped the security gate "-shut behind us. You were playing on the rocks and ignoring us, so we had to get Em to jump over the rock, but she hit you in the face."
"And that's pretty much it. Em's here, your here, Megs here, I'm here, we're all here. Good times."
It should be noted that being hit in the face by a flying mermaid and falling into a pit of cold water can be quite an aging and sobering experience, as was the icy herring Alexia had once been hit with. But again, that is another story for another time.
Alexia looked about.
"Where's Scottle?"