Orion's Testicle

Chapter 7- Fast Food

Chapter 7-Fast food

The more observant or sharp eyed readers will have noticed that Em opted for fast food in order to lose weight. On our planet, this would be a terribly preposterously bad plan to lose weight. On Orion II, this is an excellent way to lose weight. This is due to Orion II's fast food being completely different to the artery clogging fat induced edibles of Earthly fast food. Fast food is merely several types of food made, bred and designed to be elusively evasive and often unimaginably fast.
Due to its speedy nature, it is impossible to buy fast food conventionally. Instead, the customer is issued a small bronze token, which will gain them access to a large athletics track at the rear of the fast food restaurant, full of assorted meals and delicious dishes attached to immensely powerful hover pads. The customer is then lined up on the track, and all of the food is sent off spiralling in different directions. The customer then has approximately two earth minutes to catch a meal.
The weight loss part of the expedition is based on the principal that the customer will expend more energy catching the meal then actually gained from eating it, resulting in the instantaneous burning off of fat deposits.
This amazing concept is what makes fast food the third most efficient weight loss program in the known universe.
The second most efficient weight loss is by erecting an anti-gravity system around the entire stratosphere of the entire planet, thus rendering the ground gravity barely strong enough to keep people on the ground. This led to massive weight drops, yet many customers felt they had to look like they weighed little, not merely made to weigh little by inconceivably complex machinery.
The first most efficient way of losing weight is, as agreed by every race in the galaxy, merely to saw your own body off. Unfortunately, the short term nice effect of looking non-existently slim failed to outweigh the long term bad effect of being non-existently dead.
Em was about to attempt the fast food race.
She had already handed her token in to the booth, and was now tying her shoelace on the start line to the track run. Meg and Alexia were in a small spectators stand.
There was a few seconds of silence whilst the food was being loaded into position.
The Claxon sounded. Em had two minutes to grab something edible.
She started to run as fast as she could. A bacon sandwich flew between her legs. She ducked and looked underneath her waist to see where it went. A rather fetching looking plate of shrimps sped under the top of her head. She reached out to grab it, and flipped over onto the ground, missing.
Getting quickly to her feet, she straightened up to see three plates of spaghetti bolognaise spinning around her head. She span around, trying to grab one. She missed again, but knocked a plate to the floor. Almost as if the other plates' of spaghetti had morale issues, or were very attached to that particular plate of spaghetti, they fled away from Em. Em brought her wits about her and rounded on some sausage and mash. She dived for it, but she felt so exhausted, her dive fell short.
Leaping to her feet, she swung at a plate of chicken tika masala which was flying noisily around her backside. Again, she missed, but this time kept her footing.
Alexia and Meg yelled support.
"Go on Em! Grab one!" Alexia shouted.
"You've only got twenty seconds left!" said Meg.
As soon as she had finished, a huge and delicious looking Fretnan Pudding came flying with intent towards Em.
Plucking up all of her remaining energy, she dove arms first at the pudding, grabbing it firmly. She bit into it. It tasted delicious.
After the recent struggle to obtain the food Em quite wisely decided to show absolutely no form of what could be accepted as table manners, since even if she'd wanted to, it would be difficult seeing there was no actual table to be manner to.
In further addition, Fretnan Pudding is one of the galaxy's nicest meals, the second nicest, to be exact. It could be broadly described as tasting like cake mixture, scraped from the bottom of a gumdrop bowl by a spoon made of chocolate chipped cookie. Remarkably, the pudding contains less then twelve Marjories (three hundred and twelve earth calories-why Orionan's measure energy by using a simply horribly name is a mystery to this day) and contains no more then two percent fat, with no added sugar.
The galaxy's nicest meal is a meal from a currently unknown and strangely similar planet, where the first best meal is served traditionally on the morning of the last day of the week, on a small country on a small island near in the planet's northern sea.
Unfortunately, up to this current time Em has never been to the Northern Sea, on a small island on a Sunday morning, so has never enjoyed this quite simply ultra divinely delicious meal.
Em had already finished the Pudding in the time it took to read the descriptions above.
At the moment she finished eating, the bell knelled the end of the fast food session.
Em smiled triumphantly, blissfully aware of the pudding splattered across her mouth. Alexia and Meg cheered.
Two further minutes later, she was in the restaurants bathroom, cleaning dried pudding off her face. She weighed herself on the scales and to her subsequent delight discovered she had lost just under a quarter of a kilogram.
Stepping outside of the restaurant, she turned to Alexia and Meg.
"So, what shall we do now?" she asked.
"Well, we don't exactly know a lot about you, so how about we get an effeco at the café and you can tell us about yourself." Suggested Alexia.
"Sure thing, but there's not exactly a lot to tell." she said, with a hint of regret. "All I really do in the sat is sit at home, on the computer, and then go kickboxing. "I don't have a normal life. I'm not a normal person, that's the problem."
"It's a good advantage, if you're a rock star. Look at Patrick." Replied Alexia.
"But not too long. It's a sight more likely to give you sore eyes then heal them."
They walked off chatting, during which Alexia learned a lot about Em. Apparently, her family descended from a tribe of a large country to the south that was shaped like a cat leaping. Alexia had no knowledge of such a country, even with her Implanted Knowledge given to her bay the Education Chair.
Em had never heard of such a country either, strangely enough.
"I think it was just a story my grandad told me to impress me. He's got such a weird accent, though." She put a hint of mystery on her last sentence.
"Strange…" added Meg.
"Yeah, but then again, what isn't?" Alexia imputed.
"Too true…" Em said.