Orion's Testicle

Chapter 6- Audio Audiences Awe

Chapter 6- Audio Audiences' Awe

Alexia woke up very abruptly, and remembered about the band practice. She was running late yet again.
She ran downstairs and into the kitchen, grabbed a quick breakfast bar, got changed, and ran out of the house. Four minutes later, she was back for her guitar.
Then, she ran like the wind to the auditorium, and found Patrick and Meg, and Em where already there on stage. The audience was sitting quietly, and everyone was rather jolly and content. But Em, even though she looked equally jolly and content, was also full of worry.
"I don't know if I'll be good today…Ah well, it can't be all that bad." She said.
"Hey, it's my song, you know it's gonna be great." said Patrick.
"Yeah, your right." said Em.
"Hi guys," interrupted Alexia. "Got that Friday feeling?"
"Yeah" rang the reply off everyone.
"Patrick, you get that writing done?"
"Yeah, I had a really good dream, too" he replied.
"Don't want to hear about it, unless it's in music form." said Alexia.
Meg had just finished talking to the audience, and she came over to the band.
"Okay everyone, we're ready now, let's get this started. Everyone, follow my lead, I'll set the bass to it, Patrick will come with the beat, then Alexia, and then Em can try herself out. Let's go."
Meg started the beat. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bunum bum bum bum bum bum bum bunum.
Then the beat came in from Patrick.
Then Alexia played her part.
It was Em's shot at fame, now, and her world slowed down. She knew the words; she just had to summon the effort to sing them. Slowly, she began to sing.

It was the most enchanting melody ever heard in the history of the universe.

The air turned a golden colour, and an echoing wave of melodious joy floated into the ears of the audience. A great positive vibe filled the room and drowned out the sorrow in people's hearts. It was the most uplifting melody ever heard in the history of history itself. Alexia, Patrick and Meg were knocked dizzy with the sensations, and Meg fainted onto the floor, as did the audience, whom were what the sound was aimed at. Em looked as if she'd just been shot with a bullet of surprise. She looked at herself, and then at Patrick.
"Patrick...the words!" she whispered.
The whisper brought back the normality of the room.
The crowd was still enraptured by the song she sang, and Meg was beginning to stare.
Em's look of wonder was concurred by Alexia's look of disbelief.
"The words!" Em cried. "Cuttlefish…when I said the words, it-it…just sounded so good…"
"Patrick, what the hell did you write?" Alexia scolded.
"It's Cuttlefish, just made to rhyme a wee bit." He said, looking surprised.
"It was the best thing I ever heard!" Alexia shouted.
"It must have been the words, they made no sense, but I just said each individual letter instead and now this happened." said Em. "Not a bad first time, to be honest."
None of the band decided to embark on a scientific investigation on why this happened, since it being Friday, they were already content that it did. In analytic truth however, it was caused by the song 'cuttlefish', which was in fact to blame. Patrick, you must understand, has a rather remarkable talent for unconsciously writing the universes greatest incantations and this was just one of them.
Reading out each individual letter of this mistakenly bad piece of literature will emit a certain series of sounds which trigger off a mass endorphin release in the listeners brain, leading to an overpowering sense of joy, which is just what had happened.
This had in fact led to some difficulties, however. The audience was meant to view and review the bands' performance, and they were somewhat unable to do so whilst being partially conscious and on an emotional high.
Alexia and Meg paused for a second, thinking of some way to quietly and civilly revive the ecstasy blind performance watchers.
Whilst they were engaging in this contemplation, Em walked over to the fire alarm, and kicked through the glass.
The claxon wailed a horrible screeching sound. This brought the audience back sharply, their ears offended by the comparatively hellish sound to the sweet melody Em sung.
Murmuring grudgingly, the audience stirred and realising that they were still on this seemingly awful planet, somewhat angrily.
The Audience then spent a small amount of time gathering the wits they had, and upon realising that the scruffily dressed assortment of teenagers standing in front of them were responsible for their recent experience, stood up and gave thunderous applause.
The scruffily dressed teenagers in front of them were receiving quite a myriad of emotion.
Firstly, they felt the genetic predisposition to be feeling calm and content, the 'Friday Feeling', whereas in a quite strong antithesis they felt the confusion and insecurity of the event just passed. Further on top of that, the audiences' standing ovation for what had just happened made them feel elated and full of energy.
Furtherly further on top of that was the disbelief that what had just actually happened had just actually happened.
The feeling was expressed as condensed and as simple as possible by Patrick, who said a single word.
"Bfanglhito." He said with a wobble.
The audience applauded again. What the hay, it's Friday was the thought that prevailed through each member of the audience. This was to later become a popular saying, not because it has a nice rhyme to it and perfectly arranged syllables, but because it was usually the only thing that people can remember on a Friday, other then what day of the week it was, incidentally Friday. On such days, people's only concern is where the next fun and relaxing thing is coming from, which was by a strange and unusually frequent occurrence, thirty two degrees west from their current position.
The only time in recorded history when this wasn't true to form was at a research station at the planet's north magnetic pole. At that point on Orion's surface it was impossible to go anywhere other then south, yet the budding researcher stuck to form and vainly tried to go west. The other researchers thought that they should warn him about this, but then again thought that maybe they would like another glass of whisky and relax a bit. The second option seemed a lot more likely, and so the researcher set off alone, without any food or water and nothing but a small empty packet of wafer thin ham to protect himself with.
The researcher head West on his compass, and inadvertently circled the world pole seven times before being beset upon by a swarm of the local walruses. As nimble as he was, he was outpaced and surrounded by the ultra-fast, highly intelligent yet irresistibly cute walruses. He was crushed by the 'blub' of a belly flopping walrus. His body was never found, although a few weeks late a walrus was sighted with a empty packet impaled on it's tusk. The government still refuses to acknowledge the existence of such walruses, but under the growing amount of sightings it seems that soon they will have to be released unto the public media.
The only moral that can be drawn in any acceptable sense from this sad story is that you should never head out from a polar research station on a Friday with a packet of wafer thin ham on a course of thirty two degrees west, though unfortunately there are times in everyone's day to day life when this is unavoidable, and is an increasingly common requirement in many people's professions.
A thousand miles away from the north pole, Alexia, Meg Patrick and Em where smiling and waving at the audience. The feelings of panic and confusion had long since passed and they were once again overcome by the Friday feeling.
A few members of the audience jolted with surprise as they were several minutes (and in the case of a rather poor timekeeper amongst the audience, decades) late for work, and began to walk out of the hall with only the mildest hint of a wobble.
This mild wobbling hint stirred the large remainder of the audience, who realised with a jolting surprise that they had in fact lives elsewhere to go to, and followed the belated employees out of the room.
This left the band on standing rather stupidly on stage, giving them some much needed time to think. Em spoke first.
"Oh I think now that's over, we can take a rest."
"What do you think actually caused it?" said Alexia.
"Me. I'm that great a singer." Em joked.
"More likely it was the words you sung." Meg stated. "Patrick, how did you come up with those lyrics?" she further queried.
"I dunno… I was thinking about biscuits at the time. And cuttlefish. Lots and lots of cuttlefish." He replied, with obvious disinterest. "Does it really matter? I think I am hungry."
"Nah…I guess it doesn't. Never mind." Said Alexia. "Where should we go for lunch?"
"You cats can do whatever. I'm off home. Mum's cooking bacon." He said smugly.
"Fine, ditch us, we don't care."
Patrick was out of the door before she finished her sentence.
"Sod him. You want to go get some fast food?" said Em.
"You sure? They can be pretty bad for your health, you know."
"Yeah, well, I could do with losing some weight; otherwise I won't remain as irresistibly sexy as I am now."
Meg opened her mouth to speak, but decided against it.
"Where were you thinking of going? Said Alexia.
"Wherever is nearest. I need to save my energy."