Orion's Testicle

Chapter 4 - Morning Glory

Chapter 4- Morning Glory.

Alexia awoke, expecting to feel Scottle's warm chest underneath her. Instead, she found the plain bedclothes, and, rather unusually, a strip of moist cotton and Scottle was nowhere to be seen. Scant seconds later, she realised she was topless. The memories of the night flooded back to her like....a flood. Getting up from the bed, she found a note on the bedside table.

Sorry to leave you, it's a bit of a hurry. Patrick got in trouble with a fat security guard he met at the party last night. Apparently, he's been very rude to him in several letters he wrote to him. I and Meg have gone to fetch him - he fled into the basement. Fortunately, someone found his glasses; unfortunately, all of the guests have left. Meg says get dressed, she's got a hangover, a messed house and an elusive blind friend, she needs your help. And don't think this is one of those clichés. I did want to wake you, but Meg said you'd get grouchy.

Love Scottle

(P.s- last night was wonderful.)

Alexia smiled, and continued smiling when she got dressed. When she put on her bra, she thought: He so knew this was loose.
After donning the rest of her garments, she ran downstairs, two steps at a time, to find Scottle and Megan talking quietly whilst clearing the living room. Patrick was tied firmly to a chair, and was murmuring softly, denying any knowledge of ever writing insulting messages.
Noticing the simply thunderous noise of Alexia's descent, they looked up, and Scottle and Meg smiled.
"Good morning, gorgeous." Scottle said.
"Okay, you're just in time to help me finish." Said Meg, whilst clearing up the remains of someone's (more specifically, Patrick's) underwear.
Alexia helped clear the living room, and after a good few seconds of hard labour, they had finished the entire room.
"That's it," said Meg. "We've already done the other rooms."
"Thank Guitar," said Alexia. "What else is there we need to do."
"We're fourteen minutes late for band practice." said Patrick.
"Shut up, Patrick, don't bother talking, you're not thinking straight." Said Meg.
"My eyes aren't seeing straight, but my ears are fine, like my head. Band practice is at quarter to 11, right? I just heard the clock chime for eleven o'clock." He said, rather matter of factly.
"My Guitar! He's right. We're late!" Alexia started.
"Emergency Rock Reaction Procedure!" Meg shouted.
Alexia and Meg immediately panicked, and ran over to Patrick. And tipped his chair over.
"When you said Emergency Rock Reaction procedure, I didn't think you meant bully Patrick." Patrick complained.
"You're very lucky we didn't have knives." Meg stated.
"It doesn't matter. Our instruments are here already, we just miss 15 minutes practice time."
"Oh yeah... that's not so bad at all."
"You know guys, we were supposed to be finding a singer today." said Patrick.
"Oh capo your right! Let's move out."

Alexia kissed Scottle goodbye on the doorstep to Meg's house, and then set off with Meg and Patrick.
What they didn't know was that Scottle had to go to his band practice in about half an hour. Of course, they didn't even know he had a band, or that he played lead guitar.

When Alexia and Meg arrived, they found the auditorium to be completely empty. They had originally arranged for there to be a few possible singers queuing up, but it appeared that they had abandoned the band for their lateness. The three teens decided it would be best if they played nonetheless, since it would be a waste to spend three hours searching for a singer. Short into the practice, it was discovered, rather unusually, that Patrick drummed far better without his glasses then with them. In fact, he was playing better than ever.
Whilst Patrick was performing quite a spectacular drum solo, there was a loud knock on the door.
Patrick stopped drumming, whilst Alexia opened the door.
A girl waltzed in, a little confused.
"Erm… sorry to interrupt… is there a Patrick here? I found his glasses last night at a party." She said.
"Yes, Thank Guitar! You've found them!" Meg said.
Taking the glasses of the girl in a hurry, Meg stuck them back on Patrick.
"Ah, finally, I can see again." He said.
"Thanks a lot, he's been a lot of trouble." said Alexia.
At that precise moment, Cassidy ran into the room, sporting a huge purple bruise on her forehead. She bellowed at Alexia.
"I knew I'd find you here, you big slut!" She yelled.
Alexia panicked, and began thinking of an escape route.
"Whoa, where the hell did you come from?" said the girl.
"Shut it, dumbass, this doesn't concern you." Cassidy said.
"Hey, don't talk to me like that!" said the girl.
"You are starting with me?" Cassidy antagonised.
"If you want a fight, yes." said the girl.
Cassidy grunted with anger and attacked the poor girl with a slap. A scant second later, she was on the floor, as the girl punched her in the face. She got up, frustrated, and tried to kick the girl in the knee. The girl grabbed her leg and pushed her over.
"Whoa! Hold on, now, girls, we don't want a fight." said Patrick.
"Yes we do! Kick her ass, you go girl!" Alexia and Meg said.
The girl definitely seemed to be 'going', since Cassidy was being progressively beaten into a pulp. A few seconds later, she couldn't take any more, and she staggered out of the room. Cursing as she went.
The girl seemed rather proud of herself, and started singing "We just rocked you" by Bishop. It took Alexia and Meg a few seconds to take in the fact that she really could sing well.
"Wait a second, where'd you learn to sing like that?" said Patrick.
The girl replied modestly.
"It's one of my only two talents. Singing and Kickboxing," She smiled. "Other then being a hottie of course."
"Damn straight." they all agreed.
"Who are you, anyways?" said Patrick.
"Oh yeah, I never said. I'm Em." said the girl.
"Em, could you sing like that on stage?"
"Why are you asking me that?" said Em.
"Well, you should join our band." said Patrick.
"Me, a rock star? I wouldn't have a clue how to be in a rock band." Em complained.
"Oh come on, it's easy. All you need is a healthy disregard for your own well-being, the required charisma, which I can see you've got." Alexia said. "Plus, you need to have the attitude, which after taking care of Cassidy like that you've also got. You'd be perfect."
Em blushed.
"You think so?" She said embarrassedly.
"Yeah, we need a singer, and you can sing. Simple." said Patrick.
Em smiled.
"Okay, I'll do it."
Alexia smiled.
"Great, all we need now is lyrics." said Patrick.
"Whose going to write them, though?" said Meg.
"Don't worry about it” Patrick said with the general air of one who has just received news that they’ve won the lottery twice, “I'll write the lyrics." said Patrick smugly.
This was rather a farce, as Patrick was absolutely terrible at writing. His only ever barely legible piece, entitled 'Cuttlefish' was so bad that when read, it would send the reader partially blind, such was its utterly, inconceivably bad grammar. There was a theory held by the Fretnan University for Literature Eggheads and Language Boffins (More widely known as FULELB, or to Patrick BfLuLe) that if someone actually proof-read, and corrected Patrick's appalling and quite simply dangerous grammar, that it would spell out a secret incantation that would change the random, strange and incomprehensible Universe into something more random strange and incomprehensible, without anyone even noticing, or telling the difference. It has since been classed as a weapon.
"Patrick, I'm not so sure that's a good idea…" said Meg.
"Oh come on, you did say he could have a song." said Em.
This girl certainly has an attitude, thought Meg.
"Okay, but just one song. Patrick, get that rewritten into song form, and we'll sing it in at the next band practice. We'll have an audience then, so it'd be nice to see their reactions. I like to take risks." said Alexia.
"Just don't blame me if it goes wrong." said Meg.
"We won't." said Alexia
She glanced at her watch.
"Holy Guitar, I'd best get going." Alexia said. "Parents will have my head off if I'm not back soon."
She quickly packed up her guitar, and amp.
"Em, can you be here this time tomorrow?" she asked.
"Yeah sure, I don't do much. I'll come back right after kickboxing." said Em.
"Great! Sorry everyone, I gotta go."
Alexia left through the door of the auditorium.
Walking down the road, she passed the newsagents. She felt rather hungry, having no tea for the last day and no breakfast now. She thought how great it would be getting a bar of Etalococh.
Etalococh, as its name is an anagram, is an Orionan version of chocolate. Unlike our excrement coloured companion, it is a rather fetching crimson. The taste differs from location to location, and depends on the current mood of the person eating it, although it is always delightful to eat (Except on Wednesdays, when it acts as quite a powerful tranquiliser)
The creators of Etalococh were regular people who wanted something to get them over bad times. Whilst on a walk in an undisclosed forest, they discovered a small plant called Acoca, which gave them a crimson coloured crop. Utilising this crop, they discovered that when the farmers ate it, they felt full of energy, yet had somehow got the feeling they were in the tropical regions of the land far south, and had just had a delightful conversation with a jolly chap from the bar. The boss of the plantation tasted it, and got a completely different reaction. He felt completely generous, and gave everyone double wages for the day. In addition, he firmly believed he was on the bridge of an immense spherical space station, the size of a small moon, and he was wearing a black suit, a helmet, and he had a breathing problem.
A few days later it was discovered that Etalococh makes you live your inner fantasy for a few moments.
Alexia bought hers from the shop, and stepped out hurriedly to eat it.
As she took a bite, she hit something. She stepped back to see a moonlit horizon, and that she was standing on a balcony, and Scottle was just in front of her. He looked so good in Alexia's mind, and she put her hands all over him, and caressed him lovingly.
The effects of the Etalococh wore off, and she was brought back to reality, upon which she realised she had been stroking the fat and unbearably sweaty security guard, who seemed to be staring balefully at Alexia.
"Riiight…." Alexia said slowly.
The security guard grunted, and walked off, as if nothing had happened.
Alexia felt very embarrassed, so she took another bite of the Etalococh.
Immediately her world turned into some kind of chess board, with the fat security guard at the end, dressed in an extremely ridiculous clown suit, made exceedingly more ridiculous by his abhorrent sweating. Alexia laughed very loudly, pointed and mocked him.
"Look at you; you look like a total Nob! You sweat enough to fill a lake! How could any girl seriously consider going out with a fat thing like you!" she laughed cruelly.
Her world returned to normal. Scottle was right in front of her.
"Well that was pretty mean." He said sadly.
Alexia became instantly gob smacked, she had just accidentally insulted her favourite guy in the world. She had to think very quickly.
She shoved some Etalococh into his mouth and kissed him. Good work brain.
Scottle's eyes went a little dilated, and he shuddered, then relaxed. His eyes went back to normal.
"Oh thank god it's you!" he said. "I just got the impression I was kissing Patrick."
Alexia felt more embarrassed. Curse you brain, you betray me again!
"I think I need to go home." Alexia said.
"Why?" said Scottle, looking concerned.
"I'm just feeling a little off today." She said. "I hope you don't think I'm avoiding you."
"Of course not." said Scottle, thinking the opposite.
"Thanks, I'm going to go now." She said.
"Then take this with you." He said.
He kissed her on the lips, so lovingly it made Alexia's toes and fingers stretch with love. She squirmed.
"Oh…now I don't want to leave, but I have to, otherwise my parents will eat me." She said.
"Oh okay, but I just have to tell you something…I think I love you." Scottle said. "Bye."
Alexia's heart melted.
"Bye…I think I love you too." She said.
She turned and left Scottle standing on the pavement.
She left for home.