My True Soul

Smokin' Turkey Future!

It's 7 in the morning on Black Friday and I am not up because I am going to go shopping. I am because I couldn't breathe. I have got to get out of this damn house today or else I think I'm going to go crazy.

Yesterday, Thanksgiving, was slightly weird. Both of my uncles were here. My dad's bro and my mom's. It was just weird for everyone to be here and things to be ok. I think my dad's bro and his wife are kind of annoyed with us because we put them on the pull out bed in the living room instead of giving them my room. I would not be able to BREATHE if I had to stay in the living room from about 8 p.m. on because of them smoking. In addition, I kinda have homework and stuff to read. Plus, I may have woken them up when I got up 15 minutes ago, but I had to get an allergy pill.

I fell out last night, really didn't mean to.

Talked to Ty on Wednesday, his mom had the stomach reduction surgery that he so badly wants. I think he sees now that it's not so easy. However, she's fine now. I had fun talking to him actually. Think it was a good thing that I called him. I talked to one of his online friends the other day and he'd told me basically that in a way Ty's jealous of Manda because of her taking up my time. And part of that's my fault. Even without us being in a relationship, I would have sought her out to spend more time with her in the recent months. I love Ty, but, sometimes he stresses me more and I am already stressed enough. Manda, naturally, before we were dating, was more of a calming agent. However, I think it'll be better next semester when she's actually with us at school and I'll be able to see her really easily at least 5 days a week. Manda and I talked about this whole surgery thing, why he's getting it done. She finally said what I've said all along. He's lazy. Which made me feel so much better. I've said that often enough to my mom. However, I do figure Ty's on the borderline of being diabetic, which, is somewhat sad considering he's 18. But, he eats tons of sweets/carbs, it runs in his family, but it's not just that. It's that he also has to go to the bathroom so often. That was one of the key signs with my mom.

I watch things like how much sweet stuff I have and limit the # of sodas a day. Which, eventually, I want to get it where I only have one once a week. But, I just can't give up Dr. Pepper completely, lol... I have a dependency!

Okay, so there are things that have been running through my head as of late and I've wanted to discuss them with people, but, there's not really a friend that I can call and talk to that I don't think wouldn't freak on me.
Manda and I have talked more and more about our future. A couple days after I wrote about how I could see that she had several things that I wanted in who I spent my life with, she basically told me the same thing, so, I showed her what I'd written.

I have no clue what this means. Neither of us are the type to freak out and plan on spending a lifetime with someone. Both of us, at least now for me, are more cautious. I think April knows how I've changed. Manda's always been weary of getting close to someone, opening up to someone, as she has with me. I've been weary of being able to look into someone's eyes and just let every bit of hesitation go. We both are approaching this with it being a possibility. Not a sure thing. Life can change in an instant, people can change. Rationally, we both know this.

It has me wondering if sometimes... you just know who you are supposed to be with. I don't believe in one soulmate, I really don't. I think the best you can do is to find someone who can be your best friend as well as your lover and just try to respect each other enough to work things out.

Her best friend finds it amusing, I think she really likes me... we've been talking more the past week. She's just really happy, I think, that someone can make Manda feel happy and loved.

I don't know how my friends feel. If I want to discuss how I feel about Manda, it's typically in here or in another journal. Or, I tell her. Of course, one weekend I made the comment "I'm in love!" (I was refering to something like a music station) and Ty was just like "yeah, I already know..." before I could even tell him what I was talking about.

And my aunt and uncle are up - and they're smoking. I can feel the difference in the air. Gah.
I'm going to lay back down now that my pill is working.


From "Sappho" by Sara Teasdale
In many guises didst thou come to me;
I saw thee by the maidens while they danced,
Phaon allured me with a look of thine,
In Anactoria I knew thy grace,
I looked at Cercolas and saw thine eyes;
But never wholly, soul and body mine,
Didst thou bid any love me as I loved.
Now I have found the peace that fled from me;
Close, close, against my heart I hold my world.
Ah, Love that made my life a lyric cry,
Ah, Love that tuned my lips to lyres of thine,
I taught the world thy music, now alone
I sing for one who falls asleep to hear.