Short Life Stories

For the Children

For the Children
It was one of the hardest moments of my life. I was walking into the lawyers office to start the mediation process for divorce. I wondered what I was doing. Was it really this bad that I had to severe our relationship? Could I just stay married and be happy? Thoughts swirled through my mind. It would be so easy to just stop and not go through with it but ultimately, I was not happy and couldn’t stay in that situation. So, I continued into the building. Dan was already there waiting. We were recently separated but had not been together for a few years.

He smiled politely as I sat down from him. He had come straight from work and still had on his uniform. His blonde hair weathered from the day. He sat with his long leg draped over the other bouncing it nervously. His high metabolism kept him thin and always on the move. He chewed on gum as he tried to act relaxed. We had always been civil to each other. I only recalled a few fights. We casually talked about the kids and what was going on in our lives but we avoided eye contact. It was hard enough being there.

We had decided to go through mediation because we didn’t want to fight between lawyers and because it was cheaper. His boss had told him that he went through the mediation process and recommended it so we thought we would try it. This way, we split the cost up front. We didn’t have to go through a list of who gets what since we were already separated. He stayed in the house and I was in an apartment. Our children, Alyssa and Kyle, then 9 and 7, spent a week with me and a week with Dan. At first, when he suggested the arrangement I thought it would be too hard on them but he didn’t just want them on the weekend. He was a good father and wanted to be as much a part of their lives as possible. So we agreed and it worked for us.

Our mediator brought us into the conference room. She had a calmness about her and a pleasant smile. The first thing we did was to come up with a statement. Ours was to focus on the children and to keep their lives as stable as we could. That first hour and a half went smoothly and we covered a lot of ground. At the end, she told us what we owed for the time. We both wrote out our checks. She treated us equally and separate focusing on the one she was speaking to. So there we were, starting the process of mediation and ultimately, divorce.

It was easier to walk into that office through the rest of the process. Our children were and still are, our main focus. We are both just 40. In the past year and a half, I’ve gotten remarried and so has Dan and we both attended each others wedding reception. I sometimes think it is harder on others than it was, or is, on us. There must be an uneasiness about how friendly and open we are together which is a shame. Now, I also have a 16-month old daughter, Briana and Dan has a 10-month old son, Collin. It hasn’t always been easy but we worked through any problems. Now, happier and in better places in our lives. We’re blessed to have healthy, happy children and spouses and I can say I have no regrets.