Just Jul Lee

I wish...oh, how I wish!

I wish...oh, how I wish!
DATE: November 18, 2005

Okay, basically, my obsessive nature is emerging today. I thought of the guy from Hastings for most of the morning, wishing I had reacted better and that I could see him again. Why? I have no earthly clue.

I think that I want to fall in love and for the life of me, I can’t figure out why that is. I mean, what’s so great about love?

Granted, my one experience with ‘love’ was one-sided (mine) and thus was nothing but heartache, trauma and sorrow. Not to mention all the drifting on the sickening sea of daydreams, pining my life away and wishing for something that wasn’t meant to be. Joy…

Okay, I am not a knocker of love for I understand that it is valid and worthwhile in most cases, ahem, but I have yet to experience or truly see such cases first hand outside of Hollywood romance movies.

Wondering why Julie is like this won’t help. Just consider me odd and move on, if my spewing of borderline depressing thoughts is, well, depressing you. Don’t try to unravel the tangled, twisted, tainted ball of twine that is I.

I can’t help but refuse, that’s right, REFUSE, to believe that love will ever find me, at least before I’m old and gray. Half of me is pleased with my solitary life, my independent nature but the other half of me is screaming for love and acceptance and yes, though I loathe thinking about it, passion. *shudder*

Okay, the guy from Hastings is just the right guy at the wrong time…no, the wrong guy at the right time…huh? The wrong guy at the wrong time…there it is. But he was the first and, so far, only guy that sent my head spinning, my pulse racing and my imagination soaring. Now, I know I don’t love the guy for I don’t even know him…not even his name! But, I wish I had been different that day. I wish I had had the confidence needed to win over hearts and capture attention. I wish…oh, how I wish!