Michelle's Blog, Blog, Blog

My Ordinary Life

I can remember my mother telling me that I was special and that I could do or be anything I wanted to in life. I believed her. She told me it often, so I did believe it. She always said she loved me and my sister and brothers. She did that because her mother never told her and she was not affectionate. Mom vowed that when she had children she would always tell them she loved them and hug them. I have always felt loved and I never doubted her. But now as the week comes to a close and I sit in front of my computer, answering the phone and doing my "job," I feel quite ordinary and less special. In the wake of credit card debt, car payments, utility bills, etc., it was critical for me to work full-time and get a pay check and put writing on hold. Maybe that's why I haven't been writing much lately. Work has consumed me and I find my days are driving, working, driving, eating dinner, playing with Briana, putting her to bed, watching TV with my husband Sean and then going to bed. What a drone. It happened so easily and subtly, that I fell into the ordinary life and let it play out before me without much effort on my part. And so work became life and maybe I rebelled like a child and stopped writing. Though the computer screen or paper does not contain my words or thoughts, they still flit about my mind at any still moment throughout the day and I think, I need to get this down on paper before I forget. Then, the next day comes and I'm thinking the same thing while my journals sit on my desk at home. I guess I will put them in my bag to take to work next week and hopefully my thoughts will appear on the pages of my journals like magic.
Yeah, right. Well, at least it's a start. That's something.