My True Soul

Merfkuh = 42 the answer to Everything

I really hate coming home sometimes, I don't know if I've ever actually said that or not.
I hate the feeling of coming home Friday evening, passing out, getting up Saturday to be made to run errands, feeling rushed to get everything done, then wanting to leave as to not get back home at 10 o'clock Sunday night. I really prefer being back home by like 5, which means I have to leave at 2ish. I absolutely HATE having to get away from my mother because she attaches herself to me so much during the weekend. Especially when I don't do much.

I want to be able to take it easy this weekend, but I can't. Luckily, I have done most of the reading I needed to get done, but now I need to work on an essay test. It's not due until Wednesday, but I never have any time to do much on Monday. I've still got Spanish HW to do, but, I'll do it on Sunday or Monday night. I've still got a paper to start. As much as I continue to do, the more I fall behind. And God knows I love my parents, but I HATE being drug around places after a point. I just don't have the time and I don't like the feeling that my time is being wasted.

And apparently I've gotten a lot faster at typing than my parents. It amuses me the difference between their typing and mine, especially since I'm on a keyboard where I can actually hear the clicking of the keys.

Last night, I passed out. I woke up around 1:10 a.m., got up, had intentions of doing some of my reading then. About 10 minutes later, Manda called, which, her timing just amused me. She and I talked about several different things. The other morning, she sent me text messages with some of the sweetest things I have EVER been told by anyone and in all honesty? It was so simple. It wasn't elaborate, it wasn't fancy, it was simple, and clear-cut. The words were so perfect however. I adore her for moments like that. I want so desperately to share it, but, in a way, I want to keep her words all to myself and never ever let anyone know about them, because in some way, that would diminish them greatly.

Out of no where, she was like "This is going to be fun..." and I asked her what was. Our relationship. It amused me. I think so too. I don't really think I've ever looked forward to a relationship as much. I especially was NOT wanting one back earlier this year, especially not after stuff with Afra, I was SO anti-relationships and for me to be excited about one now? Well, I suppose that says something, doesn't it?

April, I'm sure you find this amusing, lol. I told her you approved of her, basically. She just kinda laughed and said it was good that you did. So far, the people's whose opinions matter to me a bit, they've all liked her. It's nice to have that.

Tyler told me the other night that if I did something to hurt her that was unforgivable, that I'd better expect him to be on my ass about it. He threatened me. And I was like... "OK" and then he said "Oh, don't think it doesn't apply to her as well, cause it does. It applies to both of you equally. And either of you do something stupid to f*** it, I'm not letting you forget it." It was cute... in a weird way.

Oh, haha. My parents made some joke about me coming to them and telling them I was pregnant. I laughed... "Ohh, you don't have to worry about that..." haha.

Which reminds me...
I should be a Godmother sometime within the next week! Dray's due on the 26th of September, which is Monday. I'm excited. I have no clue how to really act around babies, I don't, not one bit, I've had more experience with death than with new life, but... I'm excited none the less. Manda informed me that after Lily had her baby that I had to bring her home with me so she could see him and play with him. She's excited about him as well.

I find it odd, as well, that she brought this subject up before I could. I don't want to say I love you before I get off the phone with her or before parting. I don't want it to be that expected. I don't want it to become routine. Routine means it's expected. Routine means it become less important and it steals from how special it is to be told by someone that they love you or that you love them. I did not want to do that. I want to tell her when I feel it most. May it be in the middle of watching a movie, while driving, when I first hear her voice, or before she falls asleep. I want it to keep the meaning as much as it can. Before I could even tell her these things, she said this. She said she didn't like it being routine. (Figures... lol)

Is there any wonder?

I've got to get my dad his birthday present. I felt somewhat bad cause he opened most of the ones from my mom tonight. I didn't get him anything yet. It's not because I don't have anything in mind. It's because time is such a valuable thing and I didn't have much of it really.

Now I'm going to go heat up some old Japanese food - yummy - watch Hitchhiker's Guide and work on my gender studies test.

Catch ya laters.