Rythmical Rants in the Anthills Upstairs

Buying Bathroom Tissue in Bulk

This morning I opened the closet to grab a roll of toilet paper and realized that my relationship has entered the stage where we buy bathroom tissue in bulk -- the closet was stuffed -- from ceiling to floor -- with rolls peaking out of ever crevise. We even have some hiding under the bed. So what does this mean? I don't want to be a bulk buying lesbian. I see them at Costco all the time. Same haircut, same cargo pants (just in different colors), same walk, and both reaching for the same item on the shelf. When I see them, I usually chuckle inwardly, thinking those two never have sex. And now, I've become one without even acknowledging the transformation? I mean, when was the last time that my partner and I had sex? Just the fact that I can ask that question and really think about the answer frightens me. Hmmmm. Did we stop having sex when we first bought bathroom tissue in bulk? I mean, I used to stop on my way home from work because she called (desperation in her voice): "Bring home toilet paper!" I think I've solved the lesbian bed death thing. Simply buy bathroom tissue on a need basis -- don't stock up.